Play the song while reading :)
Is my current state of being at this very moment..
Is my inside attitude toward what happen outside..
It's not because everything went smooth in my life..
It doesn't mean my life goes perfectly like the way I've wanted or expected..
Since the fact was just the opposite..
Many things happened not according to what I have planned..
All messed up and it attacked my feeling..
Too many changes in such a short time that made me stressful in these past few months..
Too many things to do or fix but I felt I only have such a little time..
How should I handle it then? What should I do? What do You want me to do?
I asked those questions so many times in my prayer at night..
My heart is fragile at some points and all those unexpected things made me so overwhelmed..
Even everyday I was doing several activities, surrounded by many people, still I felt lost inside..
I am just a normal human being and at that time, I felt so weak..
Yet I thank God, that in those times, God still gives me power to offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving..
To at least have a little faith, that everything works for my good and I would be able to understand the reason behind it one day..
Day by day, I hold that kind of faith in my heart..
Day by day, by the Grace of The Lord, I was able to endure everything..
A moment after, after struggling a lot, with the help of 3 angels in my life, I was finally able to stand up again..
Through these events, He had reminded me again about the importance of being content in one's life..
In my life, I've found that happiness is a choice and joy is a gift from The Creator..
Yet to be able to experience the true meaning of joy, an invidual needs to master a contentment in his/her life..
The key is to accept that life doesn't go like what you always think of..
To accept that noone is perfect..
To accept that people will disappoint you, now or later..
To accept that career goes up and down, even stuck sometimes..
Health can turn into sickness so does riches to poverty in just a second..
See, life is full of unstable things..
World offers so many distractions, so many definition about what life should look like..
It teaches us that the result is the only important thing you need to focus on..
It teaches us that procrastinating is a good thing and a way out for so many problems..
Forgetting that in order to gain good and right result, you need to be strong also in the process..
Forgetting that procrastinating will actually piling up one's problems and make it worse later..
Therefore in your journey of achieving the result, you need to be strong and able to discipline yourself on the inside, to face what's outside..
Long long time ago, I commented an individual like this : 'You are such a joyful person'. Hearing that, she smiled and said thank you.
Left me wonder, how could she become joyful all the time? Then I came to here and ask what's her secret..
Still smiling, she answered me, 'I just being content with my life right now. God is good'. That answered silenced me with my mouth opened, feeling amazed towards her.
I learnt a lot of things from her and until now, she still becomes one of my role model..
As a human being, we need to understand that.......
Comparison is useful if you use it ONLY as motivation and to make you feel grateful God's goodness in your life.. Other than this, avoid comparing, with whatsoever reason..
Saying enough is ENOUGH is really important sometimes.. So you realize what you have AT THIS VERY MOMENT, is actually ENOUGH.. To achieve, to create, to help, to support, and to shape you towards your dream..
Admitting that what you have is SUFFICIENT, including your talent and ability. Don't throw words like, 'I will do this and that when I become.... or when I have......' or I don't start now because I still lack of this this this and that'. Procrastinating about things, having so many excuses only to cover a vague fear..
Who asked you to change the world or do something magnificent straight away? Just do your best with what you have now.. DON'T GET TOO RUSH OUT, YET TOO RELAX AS WELL.. ONE STEP AT A TIME or slowly but sure are certainly so much better than DOING NOTHING with what you have then complaining that you have LESS while actually having MORE than enough..
People need to wake up for their dreams and their procrastinating way of life, to be able to pursue their REAL DREAMS IN REAL LIFE..
GET OUT FROM YOUR COMFORT ZONE.. NO GROWTH CAN BE FOUND THERE, SO GET UP AND MOVE!!
Being DISCIPLINE about life, start from the smallest things in your activities list in A DAY.. Make it a habit.. WITH A REALIZATION ABOUT IT IS ACTUALLY GOOD TO DISCIPLINE CERTAIN AREA IN OUR LIFE thus we do it with a great willingness..
Be satisfied and grateful NOT ONLY IN WORDS BUT IN YOUR ACTION AS WELL, in a correct way so it won't lead to arrogance..
Everything takes TIME.. EVERYTHING LITERALLY MEANS EVERYTHING, NOT SOME THINGS.. What you wanna know, the answers for your problem, the reason behind certain events in your life, about people, your dream, your passion, achievement, even good, better, and best thing are all NEEDS TIME. Therefore you need to have patience, not little, but a lot of patience for several things because sometimes He wants you to wait for quite a long time, but indeed in the end serve the best purpose.
'FOR MY GOD CREATED MY INMOST BEING, HE KNIT ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB.. I AM WONDERFULLY MADE.. HIS WORKS ARE WONDERFUL' = I AM, YOU ARE, NOT LESS AT ALL.. WE ARE HIS MASTERPIECE (PSALMS 139:13-14)
'I HAVE TOLD YOU THESE THINGS, SO THAT IN ME YOU FIND PEACE. IN THIS WORLD YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE, BUT TAKE HEART! I HAVE OVERCOME THE WORLD' = Troubles, problems, challenges are inevitable in this life. BUT COURAGE, AGAIN TAKE HEART, THE ALMIGHTY IS ON YOUR SIDE.. (JOHN 16:33)
'MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU. FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS, SO THAT CHRIST'S POWER MAY DWELL IN ME' = You have all you need to face everything that comes against you inside or outside, at this time, right now. (2 CORINTHIANS 12: 7-9)
'NEVER WILL I LEAVE YOU, NEVER WILL I FORSAKE YOU' = You are not alone.. (HEBREWS 13:5)
'DO NOT BE AFRAID FOR I AM WITH YOU. DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED FOR I AM YOUR GOD. I WILL STRENGTHEN YOU AND HELP YOU. I WILL HOLD YOU UP WITH MY VICTORIOUS RIGHT HAND' = Do you still need an explanation for these words (ISAIAH 41:10)
I am an imperfect human being.. Even I know all these verses, there's a time I will fall apart.. I will cry and clueless about what I supposed to do.. I could be forgetful about those words about patience, content, discipline, endurance and many more.
That's why towards people that helped me a lot until this point of my journey, the ones who always gives me unending support, speak those encouraging words towards me even sometimes it feels like they slapped me right on my face, lending me a helping hand, stay beside me in my darkest hour, believe in me, and knowing me best more than I know myself ; I am absolutely feel grateful and blessed having them all in my life.. I believe you know who you are..
Peeps, with humility I wanna say this :
Sometimes, or should I say most times, GOD uses other people to remind you about something, to tell you something, even teaching you something, so you can be a better you, to be the best of you. And I acknowledged, it hurts sometimes. Change hurts and certainly not feel good at all at that time.. Perhaps you won't feel right about getting out of your comfort zone. Me too. I feel the same as well..
Have I said to you that before I was a super introvert, nerd, quiet, arrogant, bad mouth, and lack of confidence person?
I feel insufficient about my self in all areas. Everything that came out from my mouth was just negative things. If people praised me, I felt that they were all lying.. If my mom said I'm good at something, I felt like of course she said that since she's my mom, what do you expect her to say?
I couldn't accept myself.. I couldn't feel content about myself.. In words, in action.. In everything..
It all changed after my personal encounter with GOD, supported by my daily commitment to start a new beginning, close the old chapter and become the new me.
I leave the old me.. I leave my old habits.. AND IT'S NOT AN EASY TASK.
Don't you dare say to me it was easy, LOL :D
IT WAS SO HARD. I CRIED ALMOST EVERY NIGHT SINCE IT WAS TOO DIFFICULT, I'M NOT GET USED TO THE NEW THINGS THAT I KNOW I HAD TO DO.. My motivation decreased day by day even I know I did this because it's the right thing to do.. WORSE, not even 1 person motivate me since I didn't tell anyone about my struggle.. My mom didn't know as well about this until I admitted it only 1 or 2 years ago maybe..
From there, firstly, I learnt there was a time, I need to be able to MOTIVATE YOURSELF SINCE YOU THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN DO IT TO YOURSELF.. I need to be able to PUSH myself since I couldn't depend on other people to do it for me.. Other people is busy, they have their own things to take care. And other people means other individuals beside you, like your parents, brother/sister, spouse, bestfriends, etc. They are busy and not gonna remember you all the time FULLSTOP.
Secondly, it's NOT GOOD TO KEEP YOUR STRUGGLE ONLY TO YOURSELF SOMETIMES.. There will be a time when we actually need to share it with more mature people that we trust.. Who knows they can become our solution? But be careful, in this as well.. Many people want to let other people down with unspecific reasons.. You are the best person to know who can be that savior you can run into if you have problems..
Thirdly, YOU ARE IN CHARGE WITH YOUR OWN LIFE. YOU RESPONSIBLE FOR IT. IF YOUR LIFE STUCK OR IS FALLING APPART, NEVER PUT THE BLAME ON OTHERS WITHOUT DOING SOME REFLECTION FIRST.
At that time, everyday, I made time to stood before my mirror, saying that I am wonderfully made by the great hands of The Lord and not lacking anything. I observe how people say hi to someone else, how they started a conversation in a good manner, I learnt to be opened, I learnt to say thank you if people praised me, not thinking if they are just lying, I learnt to believe that people who loves me like my mom, if she said good things, she meant it ; I learnt to trust. Not being apathetic towards myself and others.
Lastly, I have a true story that I know when I was in high school, which I suddenly remembered it and want to share it with you.
There was a gentleman.. He is good looking, smart and not lack of anything tangible in his life.. Yet he always feel less about himself.. He always feel something's still missing in his life.. It's like there's a hole in his heart.. The emptiness.. He has no motivation to do something or passion in everything.. He want to find out what he really loves to do so he could live his life with a joy feeling in his heart.. He doesn't have many friends but he had 1 best friend he adored since everytime he saw him, he was so happy and passionate about his life..
He asked him what should he do.. He didn't want to live his life like this for the rest of his life.. He confuse and doesn't know what to do.. After some minutes of silence, his best friend said words that changed his life forever..
He said :
'Mmmmmm.. I guess noone knows the answer of your confusion. However, I could tell you what I know since we are close and sorry if it's quite harsh but I think for your good, I need to tell you this.. I think you are just lazy and blind sometimes.. You just don't wanna do something with what you have now and refused to see His blessing in your life.. Your 'work hard' is actually nothing compares to other people's definition of work hard. You gave up easily even before you start, you don't wanna do something if it's hard, and worse you don't believe in yourself.
'Just admit it, even you said so many times to me you have confidence, but for me, you are far far away from what confidence is all about. That's why you never believe that your idea will work out in the business. And without ideas and action, how can you find your passion? Some people are not just born and knowing their passion straight away. They need to find and pursue it, and it takes time. I believe you have a glimpse of this but not doing anything with it because you just don't want to get out from your comfort zone. Then if other people become successful, you try to find excuses and told me 'of course they are succeed because they have this this this'. You gave me so many reasons just to cover your fear and incompetent feeling about yourself.'
'That's why I think you are blind. You are too caught up with what you don't have instead of REALIZING WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY HAVE. Don't give me nonsense reasons like what you have is what your parents have. What your parents have is what you have also. I give you an example, you live in XY street right, if your friend pass by, and they said : Hi, yesterday I passed your house when I was jogging. Are you gonna reply them with 'Sorry it's not my house, it's my dad house while you actually live in it? Are you joking or what? So stop that unworthy feeling.. Why you make it complicated? JUST BE GRATEFUL.. Why is it so hard for you to say thanks God???
'OTHER THING IS YOU NEED TO TAKE ACTION.. DO SOMETHING WITH WHATEVER YOU HAVE AT THE MOMENT.. FROM THERE YOU CAN FIND WHAT YOU REALLY LIKE.. CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE AND BE DISCIPLINED. This world is not easy.. Don't be a coward.. Stop procrastinating or having too many excuses about everything. If people encourage you to actually do something, you accused them to push you too hard, you said they rushed you while actually they are not. You just wanna stay your comfort zone. Your mental is down not because others, but because you can't accept yourself and refuse to adapt with the hard way of life. There you go. Sorry but truth hurts.
'For recommendations, instead of just try to find what you like and good at in a passive way like asking or researching, try to actually DO WHAT YOU CAN DO. From there it will lead to something. And don't forget to GIVE THANKS TO GOD. Just so you know, so many people wanted to be in your position right now. So you really need to practice to say positive words about your life and be grateful.
'And lastly before I forget, that hole that you feel inside your heart, is actually for your relationship with God. Perhaps you won't believe me but once again, that's the truth. As an individual, we need to have relationship with our Creator. Even after you have achievement one day, if you don't have connection with Him, you will still feel empty inside. It happened to me before and I spent many years to look for so many things to fulfill that hole yet it failed. I just don't want you to spend years in this part since the answer is absolute. I believe you know it, but again, you just afraid, afraid to experiencing it and the reason behind your fear is I dunno, since you are full of excuses most times. You can be extraordinary actually, but you choose to become ordinary. But it's your life so your responsibility, I only can help. That's it from me'.
Then he left because he needed to go somewhere. Hearing all those sentences he was so shocked. His mouth wide opened and couldn't believe someone just said that to him. He was so angry but at the same time speechless. He couldn't reply anything since most of them was true.
After several years, he finally contacted his bestfriend again :
He said sorry for not contacting him for many years. He was mad, but not actually to him but to every word he said since it's right. Then he explained all these years he's been thinking and finally made a decision to applied what he told him. He attended small connect group nearby his area. He tried to do what he could do. He told him that he's running a small business now and even he's still on his way to find what's his passion really is, he can accept and be content with his condition now. He even said contentment has opened his eyes a lot about God's blessing in his life everyday. He is happy with his life. He continued by telling a story about how relationship with God help him for having faith in his struggle for certain area in his life. He thanked his best friend for speaking so harsh but for his good. Without him, perhaps his life would just falling appart.
The 1st time I heard it, I was amazed since the point this story struct me as well. The way God uses his best friends to confront him, with those words and wisdom are just out of words. Hope you get the moral point as well..
That's why if there's people surround you who has courage to speak the truth towards your life, appreciate them.. Say thank you.. Even if the way they do it or the words they choose isn't nice.. We can't expect people to do everything like the way we want them to be..
-REMEMBER : EVEN THOUGH RIGHT NOW MAY FEEL LIKE YOUR MOST DIFFICULT TIME, IT MIGHT BECOME THE KEY TO YOUR SUCCESS LATER ON.'-
REMEMBER THAT MIRACLE HAS A PROCESS TOO..
# IT'S THE PROCESS AND JOURNEY, NOT JUST THE RESULT AND DESTINATION, THAT'S MATTER IN THIS LIFE..
# EVEN MAYBE YOU HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO BECOMPLAINED ABOUT IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW, IF YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES AND HEART WIDELY, YOU WILL SEE HIS GOODNESS THAT CAN GIVE YOU MORE REASONS TO SING AND BLESS HIM ALWAYS..
# DEUTERONOMY 8 : 2-3b = 2 Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, ..., to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord
The happiest people don't have the best of everything, but they MAKE THE BEST OUT OF EVERYTHING.
* NO DOUBT YOU HAVE TO OWN MONEY AND MATERIALS IN THIS WORLD TO BE ABLE TO LIVE, BUT DON'T LET THEM OWN YOU.
CONQUER THE WORLD.. BUT DON'T LET THE WORLD CONQUER YOU..
Be content.. Believe that whatever happens in your life right now is FOR you, not to you.. It happens to serve the best purpose in your life.. To make the best of you.. Have faith always since hope unto Him will not put you to shame.. Be positive and grateful since it's the key to maintain your joyful life in this very crazy world..
Put contentment in your principle's list since principle is not affected by environment or outside condition, it's a commitment, a decision that whatsoever happen, I still choose to be..............
Don't let the world make you lose your wonder.. Remember, you are amazing, just the way you are..
YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED RIGHT NOW TO BECOME EVERYTHING YOU ARE CREATED TO BE..
Don't let the world make you lose your wonder.. Remember, you are amazing, just the way you are..
YOU HAVE EVERYTHING YOU NEED RIGHT NOW TO BECOME EVERYTHING YOU ARE CREATED TO BE..
That's all from me.
And at this very moment, I thanked Him for His constant grace that made me able to be just be who I am and grateful in every situation.
I am happy. Truly happy until words couldn't describe it..
I am able to embrace His joy in my life..
He is good.. Always will be, He is good..
To Him be the glory forever.. And ever..
Thanks Jesus.. Thank YOU..
Kind regards, Cindy
Ps : Perhaps it will be my last post since after this I will be so busy again preparing the wedding.. But I will try my best to do 1 more post to close this year..