Today I wanna share about what I felt long time ago when i was in my 1st year at college in Sydney here. I don't know why but yesterday, i just thought about it and then i said to myself 'Ahh.. I'm gonna share this story in my new post'... So, enjoy it ya!!
Singkat cerita bagi kalian yang belum tau, dulu stelah lulus SMA, aq berangkat ke Sydney untuk kuliah disana. Lama kuliahnya 2,5 tahun and jurusan yang aq ambil adalah Hospitality Management.. Pertama-tama masuk kuliah wahh pasti ada excitednya dong ya.. Bertemu dengan teman2 baru dr berbagai negara juga, bisa belajar banyak dari mereka.. Meskipun ada bbrp perbedaan mengenai hal prinsip dll (sy udh share tentang ini di post thn lalu), but I still can manage myself to survive there.. Disini, kehidupannya lebih independent dan teratur and yes in some points, i do like it.. Until one day, I just checked all my old photos.. junior and high school photos, also i looked some of my friend's picture in Surabaya..
Setelah melihat fto2 tersebut, tiba2 ada perasaan kangen yg luar biasa banget teman2.. Biasanya saya kalau kangen pun, msh bisa menahan and control myself.. However, just at that time, i can't control it.. Semakin sy melihat dan melihat fto2 tersebut semakin bermunculan juga berbagai macam pikiran seperti ini :
1. WAH.. IF ONLY.. Jika saya kuliah di Surabaya waktu itu, smuanya bakal enak deh. Ada yang antar jemput, smuanya udh ada disiapin oleh keluarga. SEMUANYA TERLIHAT BAKAL MUDAH SEKALI YA..
2. IF ONLY.. Jika saya kuliah di Surabaya setelah lulus SMA, saya pasti bisa bertemu dengan org surabaya yg lebih banyak lagi dan sy bisa belajar banyak dari mereka. Dengan kata lain, ini mengenai HAL SOSIALISASI dengan orang-orang yg ada di Surabaya..
3. IF ONLY.. Jika saja saya memilih untuk stay di Surabaya, kuliah disana, sy pasti bisa lebih lg aktif pelayanan di gereja (Mawar Sharon Church), mengenal banyak orang disana, dan juga pasti bakal asik sekali bertumbuh bersama.. Since this church is MY HOME (I'm gonna share about this too later ya)
4. IF ONLY.. Saya tidak pergi ke Sydney untuk kuliah, sy tdk perlu berpisah dengan keluarga dan teman2.. I love them like SO MUCH.. and it's difficult sometimes when i miss them but i can't see them face to face.
** Banyak sekali kata2 'IF ONLY' yang berterbangan di otak saya sehingga semakin lama saya menjadi semakin stress sendiri. Hahahhahahhaha.. It's funny now when I think about it again. Sy jd diam sendiri di kamar, diam terpaku sambil banyak sekali pikiran2 'SEANDAINYA' di benak saya..
** U know what I did after that? I called my mom and said like this : MI, SAYA GA MAU SEKOLAH DISINI LAGI. SEKOLAH YANG DISINI DICANCEL AJA SEMUANYA YA.. SAYA MAU SEKOLAH DI SURABAYA AJA SUDAH, DI UKP ATAU DIMANA TERSERAH. GA MAU DISINI LAGI. MAU PULANG AJA SAYA.. I said that!!!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!!! IT'S THE 1ST TIME FOR ME ALSO!!! IS IT 'HOMESICK'?? Dengan nada bicara saya yang sudah sangat datar sekali, seperti udh tidak ada semangat, yang ada di pikiran saya pada waktu itu cuma I WANNA GO HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
** Then my mom responded like this : CIN, KM TENANGIN DIRI DULU.. JANGAN BICARA KAYA GITU.. INI KM CUMA LG HOMESICK AJA.. SEMUA BAKAL BAIK-BAIK LAGI BESOK.. UDAH KM SKG TENANG YA, DOA DULU, TERUS TIDUR.. But i still INSISTED like : GA MAU MI SAYA MAU PULANG AJA, KUL DI SBY LEBIH ENAK SEMUA RASAE.. My mom still replied like : UDAH TENANG AJA KM DOAO DULU CIN, NI FEELING KM YG KAYA GINI CUMA SEMENTARA KOK MAMI TAU, JNG MIKIR YG ANEH2 LG YA.. DOA AJA UDAH SKG KM BIAR TENANG OK.. MAMI LOVES YOU.. Kata2 ini merupakan kata penutup telpon sy dan mami and i did like what my mom told me.. i control myself.. i tried to calm down.. duduk di ranjang diam, read my bible and berdoa.. I couldn't remember exactly whether I cried or not that night..
** When I prayed to God, told Him everything about what I felt here.. i told Him about my 'IF ONLY' feeling.. about life is harder here, i have to take care myself.. Oh God, orang2 disini semuanya sangat berbeda (sy sudah pernah post sebelumnya mengenai bagaimana sy harus benar2 menjaga pergaulan) and most times, they just dont care about other people condition .. 'Mind ur own business' mungkin bisa diblg seperti itu juga.. It's so hard in some ways.. Since my father died long long time ago, my mom sungguh memperhatikan saya dan saya terbiasa sekali diperhatikan seperti itu.. This new 'all alone' thing is really hard sometimes.. And now, sy merasa seperti I have noone here.. ALL BY MYSELF.. I'm more independent than my brother but I don't know why i felt so weak that day.. All my friends in Surabaya rasanya enak sekali, bisa setiap hari bertemu dan berkumpul dengan orang-orang yang mereka kasihi. I just wanna go home God...
## THEN IN MY HEART, THERE'S SMALL VOICE, SMALL BUT CLEAR TOLD ME LIKE THIS : MY WAY IS NOT YOUR WAY.. MY PLAN IS NOT THE SAME AS YOURS.. MY PLAN IS BIGGER.. IT SEEMS HARD NOW BUT JUST BELIEVE IN ME THAT I HAVE PREPARED A LOT OF EXTRAORDINARY THINGS FOR YOU.. BE STILL, JUST HOLD ON TO UR FAITH.. DON'T GIVE UP BECAUSE I'M WITH YOU. YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THIS WORLD. REMEMBER THAT MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU.. MY GREAT STRENGTH WILL BE REVEALED PERFECTLY IN UR WEAKNESS.. JUST HOLD ON A LITTLE BIT LONGER AND U WILL SEE.. THIS IS JUST A PROCESS.. A PROCESS TO SHAPE UR CHARACTER.. SURRENDER ALL TO ME AND EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE JUST FINE IN THE END.. I PROMISE U..
## THOSE WORDS ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME.. THOSE WORDS GIVE ME STRENGTH AGAIN..'BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD'.. I'M BACK ON MY TRACK AND YES, TOMORROW I DID NOT THINK ABOUT THIS 'IF ONLY' MATTERS AGAIN.. I CHOOSE TO SURRENDER ALL MY BURDEN AND SORROW TO HIM.. I SMILE AGAIN AND NOW I KNOW THAT HIS PLAN IS TOTALLY BIGGER THAN MINE! ABSOLUTELY BIGGER AND BETTER!!! I AM AMAZED!!! NOW I SAID TO MYSELF : 'AH.. I UNDERSTAND NOW..'
## My friend, sometimes kita melihat masalah kita seperti sesuatu yang sangat besar sekali.. Seperti seakan2 tidak ada jalan keluar dan itu bisa membuat kita jadi pusing sendiri.. But now, i hope my story can inspire u at least a bit..
1. WHEN U HAVE PROBLEM, OR WHEN U FACE SOMETHING WHICH IS REALLY DIFFICULT, DO NOT PUT UR EYES INTO THAT PROBLEM. FIX UR EYES STRAIGHT AWAY TO JESUS FIRST! PRAY, PRAY, AND PRAY.. HE ALWAYS COMES 1ST! JUST TELL HIM EVERYTHING.. HE'S NEVER ABSENT IN OUR LIFE.. AS LONG AS WE LET HIM ENTER AND WORKS IN OUR CIRCLE OF LIFE.. REMEMBER THAT OUR GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANY OTHER THINGS!
2. EVEN IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS NO WAY OUT, BUT WHEN U PUT UR FAITH IN GOD, SURRENDER ALL TO HIM, HE WILL MAKE A WAY THAT WILL MAKE U AMAZED! HIS PLAN IS WAY BIGGER THAN OUR PLAN.. UNPREDICTABLE YET THE BEST!!! AND ALWAYS HAPPENS IN THE CORRECT TIME!! ALWAYS!!!
3. HUMAN IS NOT PERFECT.. HUMAN HAS SO MANY FLAWS AND WEAKNESSES.. BUT REMEMBER THERE IS ONE INDIVIDUAL WHO IS PERFECT AND FLAWLESS.. OUR GOD!!!! HE CAN DO EVERYTHING, OPEN A DOOR FOR YOU THAT NOONE CAN CLOSE AGAIN.. NOONE!! WHEN GOD IS WITH US, WHO CAN STAND AGAINST US?
4. LAST ONE.. FAITH.. FAITH.. HAVE FAITH IN HIM... NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN IN UR CIRCUMSTANCES NOW.. I ADMIT THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS LIKE FUTURE, LOVE RELATIONSHIP OR MAYBE WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO STAND BY URSIDE, CAREER, UNI-LIFE AND MANY MORE THAT SOMETIMES CAN DISTRACT US.. ME TOO, SOMETIMES WILL WORRY ABOUT THOSE THINGS.. BUT NOW I CONTROL MY SELF, IF I START WORRY ABOUT THOSE THINGS, STRAIGHT AWAY I PRAY OR READ HIS WORDS IN THE BIBLE SO I CAN GET BACK IN THE CORRECT PATH.. U MUST HAVE THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THIS LIFE.. AND U WILL GET IT AS LONG AS U HAVE THE RIGHT FOUNDATION TOO WHICH IS IN CHRIST ALONE.. HE IS FAITHFUL.. HE WILL KEEP HIS PROMISE.. BE PATIENT.. HOLD ON TO UR FAITH.. THE PROCESS IS DIFFICULT MAYBE, YET IT IS WORTH TO FIGHT.. FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT THING WITH THE RIGHT WAY.. HIS PROMISES ARE WORTH TO WAIT. WHEN U PUT UR FAITH IN HIM, U WILL GET POWER TO AGAINST ALL ODDS IN THIS WORLD..
** I AM SO GRATEFUL NOW WITH MY LIFE.. IN FACT, I AM BEYOND GRATEFUL.. I LEARN A LOT OF THINGS HERE.. I MEET MANY NEW PEOPLE HERE AND SOME OF THEM ARE SO GREAT.. THEY BECOME A BLESSING IN MY LIFE.. THEY ARE MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST THAT CAN GIVE ME STRENGTH ALWAYS.. GOD REALLY HAS THE BEST PLAN FOR ME.. (I'm gonna share about this completely later too :) )
#### THIS WORLD CAN STEAL EVERYTHING THAT WE HAVE NOW.. OUR BELOVED ONES, OUR PARENTS, OUR BEST FRIENDS, OUR TREASURE, ETC.. BUT THERE IS ONE THING THAT CAN NOT BE STOLEN FROM US.. OUR FAITH.. IT'S UR CHOICE WHETHER U WANNA GIVE IT UP AND LET THE WORLD TAKE IT OR HOLD ON TIL THE END TO GET THE REWARDS THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR YOU ####
Regards, Cindy
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