2013

I attached a music video here.. Listen while reading,ok? :)

-1st January 2014-

At night, I sat down on my chair, facing my laptop.. Smiling and mumble to myself, "It's 2014 already, how quick".. Then, of course, I did my flashback of 2013..

I wondered, what it meant to me..

Those memories came.. Memories of happiness, sadness, ups, and downs.. All dreams that are still on the way..

What I remember the most are the times when I cried in my own bedroom here..

I remember I cried when I was disappointed with some people.. I remember I cried if I felt this life's just too overwhelmed sometimes.. I remember I cried when I was confuse and didn't know what to do next.. And I remember I cried because of all my wrong-doings, failures, and faults that gave griefs to The Lord and people that I love..

This heart is really fragile in some areas..

In so many ways, I am far from perfect.. In all ways, I have countless flaws and weaknesses..

Regret always comes late, followed by guilty. Even I said sorry to someone if I did some mistakes, I knew I couldn’t take back what I just said or did to that person or to Him.. 

Human is just weak, so am I.. 

When I said I want to change, I want to change, I’m not gonna do the same mistake again.. But the next day, what happen is just another disappointment for The Lord and people that I treasure.. I said the words only to be denied tomorrow by myself.. Again and again..

I feel hurt when people who close to me did it, when they say they want to change, but they didn't.. I forgot, that for several times, I did exactly like that also to them..

More regret and undeserved feeling came.. Saying to myself “I’m a fool, I’m a fool”.

Trapped with self-condemnation.. Even if/when He or others forgave me, I still couldn’t accept it.. I couldn’t believe it.. I expect some punishment, not mercy.. I deserve anger, not patience.. 

At that moment, I realized forgiving ourselves for doing something wrong can become more difficult than forgiving others..

Keep saying sorry in my heart all day long, praying and kneeling down - begging for forgiveness for hours and hours.. Forgetting that He already knew what mistake I will do in moments ahead before I knew it..

If there is a sentence that conclude my 2013, it will be this :

• It’s the year of How The Lord LAVISHED His Goodness in my life.. How He poured out such mercy and grace that I didn’t deserve at all.. Makes me stand in awe for His wondrously deeds..

When I asked who am I that You’ve been so good? He answered ‘You are the apple of My eyes’. (Deutronomy 32:10)

When I asked who am I that You love me? He answered ‘A daughter and I will be A Father to you’. (2 Corinthians 6:18)

When I said I’m a fool, a failure from the start. He said back ‘No, in all these things, you’re more than a winner, through Christ. If anyone in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone’. (Romans 8:37 ; 2 Corinthians 5:17)

When I asked how come such grace’s been given to me? He answered ‘It’s a gift. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD’. ( Ephesians 2:8)

When I answered back that I didn’t deserve it, He said “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinner to repentance’. (Luke 5:32)

When I almost walk away because of self condemnation, because I thought my sins are way too many and big already, He PULLED ME BACK and said, ‘Hear these words clearly for you have read it :  

• “ Who then will condemn you? No one—for Christ Jesus died for you and was raised to life for you, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for you. Can anything ever separate you from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves you if you have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? I am convinced that NOTHING can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither your fears for today nor your worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate you from God’s love. 

• No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate you from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:34-39)

• Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; YOU ARE MINE! "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. "For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOR.. (Isaiah 43:1B-3A)

• Even though you walk through the darkest valley, you will fear no evil, for I am with you; My rod and staff, they will comfort you. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. I have you in the palms of My hands”. (Psalm 23:4 ; Deuteronomy 31:6 ; Isaiah 49:16A)

I burst into tears.. In awe of how such goodness is still exist for a sinner like me? How come there is such love for me? 

HIS GRACE ABOUNDS TO ME.. In every situation, in every circumstances, in every part of my life.. His grace is there.. Giving me more than enough encouragement reminder..

" You can do everything through Christ that give you strength.. Where sin increased, God's grace increased much more. Therefore, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness " (Philippians 4:13 ; Romans 5:20 ; 2 Corinthians 12:9)

I started to realize again, that my difficulties were nothing compare to God's given grace..

When I looked again at that grace, what I remember first was my history, a mark from God.. How I knew that HIS grace is the one that bringing me here.. If God, made me able to pass those difficult challenges ONCE, the SAME GOD will also make me able to do it again TODAY..

I am able to live an overcomer life is because His grace always there for me..

Even in my darkest hours, His grace has Its own way to find its place in my heart..

- I thought, there will be a time soon when His grace and mercy will disappear from my life.. I thought, there will be a time when He will grow tired of my continuously transgression and then leave me..

Yet, what happen is just the opposite.. HIS GRACE AND MERCY NEVER STOP.. HIS LOVE IS UNENDING..

HE SETTLED MY MATTERS, MY WRONG DOINGS.. HE WASHED ME AGAIN, CLEANED AS SNOW.. (Isaiah 1:8)

I stopped for a few minutes.. Wiped my tears.. Smiling, saying ‘Then bear with me, be with me, just be with me.. It’s okay if you are quiet as long as you there, it’s enough.. Never take Your presence from me, stay here, just stay.’. A simple replied that once again, made me able to look up and raise : ‘Always, to the very end of the age.....’ (Matthew 28:20B)

Everything that happened TO me in 2013, it is happened FOR me as part of His divine plan in my 2014..

• SLOWLY BUT SURE, I REALIZE THAT OBSTACLES OCCUR, DIFFICULTIES COME, AND UNEXPECTED SITUATION ARISE, ARE ONLY TO SERVE 1 GLORIOUS REASONS.. TO SHOW ME, THAT HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME.. NOT FOR A MOMENT HE FORSAKES ME..

• THEN IF HE STAYS, IF MY CREATOR NOT EVEN ONCE GIVE UP ON ME.. ME TOO, DON'T HAVE ANY REASONS TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF..

• LIFE GOES ON, WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT.. THEN I WILL GET UP AGAIN WHEN I FALL DOWN.. FOCUS AND PRESS ON TOWARDS MY BRIGHT FUTURE.. BRINGING HIS COVENANT IN MY LIFE AND KNOWING EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE AS LONG AS I CLING TO HIS GRACE..

Praise be to God always that give me a 2nd chance in this 2014.. Afterall, New Year is also about new opportunities and chances in so many areas right?

My friends, I want to remind you that GOD IS GOOD, WHATEVER IT IS, HE IS GOOD..

IN EVERY TEAR, IN EVERY HURTFUL SITUATION, IN EVERY DISAPPOINTMENT, IN EVERY STEP, IN EVERY DECISION, IN EVERY PRAYER, AT MY WORST, WHEN MY WORLD FEELS LIKE FALLS APART : HE IS GOOD AND WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD..

I don't know what difficulties you're going through now, how bad your heartache is.. To say I understand, it's gonna be a lie, since I don't.. Even in my life, I don't understand a lot of things.. I often ask so many questions to God and He did not answered or showing any signs of answer..

THEN I STARTED TO REALIZE, NOT EVERY QUESTION HAS AN ANSWER OR NEED TO BE ANSWERED.. THERE IS A TIME THAT YOU JUST NEED TO ACCEPT HOW THINGS HAPPEN OR TURN OUT IN YOUR LIFE.. WITH FAITH, THAT GOD HAS HIS OWN AMAZING PURPOSE WHY HE LET YOU EXPERIENCED IT..

AND IF, IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE, REMEMBER THIS WORDS, WORDS THAT I SAY TO MY SELF SO MANY TIMES :

• DIDN'T I (YOU) STILL SURVIVE IN SPITE OF THE NEGATIVE THINGS OR EVENTS IN MY LIFE?

FOR ME, THAT'S THE ANSWER.. AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE, AS LONG AS I STILL CAN WAKE UP IN THE NEXT MORNING, I KNOW OPPORTUNITIES FOR ME TO BECOME BETTER STILL EXIST.. I KNOW HE IS STILL ABLE TO TURN MY SITUATION AROUND..

I KNOW HE IS FOR ME, NOT AGAINST ME..

I KNOW THAT MY SAVIOR IS CONSTANT.. HE IS FAITHFUL.. HE IS ONLY GOOD AND WILL NOT HOLD GOOD THINGS TO FALL UPON ME.. FOR HE MAKES EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL IN ITS TIME.. HE IS SOVEREIGN.. (Psalm 84:11B ; Ecclesiaster 3:11)

THOSE ASSURANCES, MAKE ME ABLE TO LIVE THIS LIFE TO THE FULLEST.. AND MAKE ABLE TO SAY ALWAYS : WHATEVER IT IS, GOD IS GOOD..

To tell you His goodness in my life, this post or my life itself will never be enough.. Whatever happened in 2013, let it stayed there, as a MEMORIES..

• EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE, BUT MEMORIES STAY.. LET IT STAY THERE IN YOUR HEART.. LET IT BECOME YOUR HISTORY THAT MAKE YOU WHAT/WHO YOU ARE TODAY.. WHEN THERE IS A HISTORY, THERE IS A PRESENT ALSO.. HISTORY IS PAST, IT'S OVER.. BUT PRESENT IS WHAT CREATES YOUR FUTURE.. IT'S EVERYTHING.. 

• THEREFORE, PRESS ON IN YOUR PRESENT LIFE.. GO TOWARDS THE LIFE THAT YOU'VE BEEN IMAGINED.. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.. BUILD A KINGDOM OF YOURS TO GLORIFY THE KINGDOM OF GOD..

LET'S FIGHT A GOOD FIGHT AND FINISH THE RACE WELL.. THOSE WORDS ABOVE THAT HE SAID TO ME, IT'S FOR YOU AS WELL.. IF GOD IS WITH US, WHO CAN STAND AGAINST US? VICTORY MY FRIENDS, VICTORY IS OURS FROM THE START, DON'T LET THE WORLD STEAL IT..

• I WILL MAKE SURE I WILL ACHIEVE MY DREAMS.. BEING CONFIDENT WITH THIS, THAT HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN ME, WILL CONTINUE HIS WORKS UNTIL IT IS FINALLY FINISHED ON THE DAY WHEN CHRIST JESUS RETURNS.. (PHILIPPIANS 1:6)

I can't wait to hear your great stories and share mine with you face to face about how amazing this life be with Him by my side.. He's gonna be my 1st always.. Knowing that you're not alone in this world my friends.. We are on the same side, just different place and time.. 

Regards, Cindy
-Thanks for being with me in my 2013..  XoXo..


Ps : Finally, I'm going for my holiday.. Will update again when I come back :)