Distance

Life is a RACE

To EMBRACE my FATE

THOUGH the road may difficult

It will lead me to the my destination.. My calling..

And a thousand years

Would be WORTH TO WAIT

It MIGHT take a LIFETIME

But SOMEHOW I WILL SEE it through

I WILL BE THERE SOMEDAY

I WILL FIND MY WAY

If I can be STRONGER FROM NOW ON

I know every mile
WILL BE WORTH MY WHILE

It's an uphill slope

BUT I WILL NOT LOSE HOPE AS LONG AS I REMAIN IN HIM

MY GOD, OUR GOD.. IS ABLE AND GREATER THAN ANY OTHERS

FEAR NOT..

I will go ANYWHERE

At a place WHERE HE PUT ME

I won't look back

MY HISTORY IS MY SWEET MEMORIES

I will STAY ON TRACK

Till my JOURNEY is complete

For a person's strength is MEASURED BY HIS/HER HEART

Like a shooting star

I WILL FACE ITS HARMS

I DON'T CARE HOW FAR

SINCE I HAVE GOD THAT ALWAYS WALKS WITH ME

BECAUSE HE'S WITH ME, I WILL NOT FEAR

MY HIDING PLACE AND MY SAFE REFUGE

MOST HOLY..

ONE DAY, I WILL AND I KNOW I CAN REACH MY DREAM

And on that day, I will RETURN ALL THE GLORY JUST FOR HIM

LET GOD BE EXALTED ALWAYS..

* Rome 8:18 = "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us"

Regards, Cindy

Back to Uni-Life

Greetings everyone! It's almost 3 months lho since my last post.. Gap terlama yang pernah ada dalam menulis blog and it made me shock also.. Terkejut bahwa sudah lama sekali tidak menulis post baru meskipun saya cukup sering membuka dashboard dan menulis ide-ide untuk post berikutnya di draft,hehehhe..

How are you? How's life? Getting busier and busier nowadays? If your answer is yes, then it's the same with me here.. Let me just give you a short update of my uni life..

Before, I thought master class was not that busy.. I thought it would be like my previous uni.. But what happened was the opposite.. I was surprised that I would have presentation each week.. I need to do case study each week for my marketing class and the teacher will mark it, so I have to take this seriously (Ups!).. Each week, I have 3-4 assignments due.. In addition, I'm still working also..

Semua course yang saya ambil di master ini mulai pada sore-malam hari.. Jadi pagi harinya, terkadang saya bekerja hingga sore, lalu langsung lanjut pergi ke uni untuk masuk kelas..

• Ada masa-masa di mana fisik dan mental ini sungguh capek sekali.. Contohnya, ada kelas selesai sampai jam 9 malam dan keesokan harinya harus bangun jam 6 pagi untuk bekerja.. Saya pernah stay di uni selama 12 jam untuk menghadiri grup meeting, lalu kelas tutorial, lalu kelas lecture sampai malam., Belum laginya banyaknya tugas report invidual, presentasi, dan case study di setiap minggunya.. Masih juga ada beberapa hal lain, di luar kehidupan sekolah dan pekerjaan yang masih harus saya urus..

Fiuh it was so tired guys.. Menggumam dalam hati wih ternyata master seperti ini ya.. Ini juga dikarenakan perbedaan kurikulum serta gap break yang cukup lama since I finished my bachelor degree..

But I thank God.. I thank God earnestly.. That even so many things happened, saya tidak pernah sampai benar-benar kewalahan with my this uni-life.. Everything's still under control and the good thing is at least, in those busy-busy days, I still can have fun and happy, yipiiiiie.. :)

One of my dream really came true.. 

I met a lot of new and funny friends at uni.. I had my backpack, eating in school canteen with my friends, study at such a big library, and the best part is I CAN WEAR CASUAL SHIRTS.. Hahhahahha.. Thanks God for all of these! :)

Now let the real post begin..
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As you know, the degree in my Master is Communication (Public Relations and Advertising). I'm actually more into PR instead of advertising.. But in order for you to understand PR, you need to learn about advertising world also..

Saya lupa menyebutkan di atas bahwa students yang mengambil master degree ini sangat berbeda dengan students-students yang kalian temukan di bachelor class.. Kebanyakan dari mereka mempunyai bachelor degree di bidang advertising or PR, bekerja di PR & advertising industry, memang memiliki bakat di bidang tersebut, bahkan ada lho movie director in my class..

Pada saat menyadari itu semua, I was like.. "Wuihhh semuanya pinter-pinter sekali.. Saingannya hebat-hebat semua,huhuhu.. Ada director pula.. Mereka juga mempunyai background dengan jurusan sama.. Pasti itu sangat membantu sekali.. Sedangkan saya, dari background hospitality,hahahhaha.. Mateng.. Hufff, moga2 tetap bisa catch up dengan semuanya ya Lord.." 

In class, the teacher, named James, told us that we would have presentation each week to present our idea and concept for the creative brief given.. And the worse part is we need to draw.. Tidak perlu berupa gambar yang 100% bagus atau sempurna, tapi paling tidak kamu harus membuat sketch or you can call it ads scamp here.. James also said he wouldn't mark us based on our drawing ability, but by our idea/concept and the way we present it which must related to the brief given and can make audience understand the message behind the ads. 

Saya tahu bahwa beliau tidak akan memberi kritik pada gambar, tapi dalam hati kecil ini : I know I will be so embarrassed jika gambar yang saya miliki untuk presentasi tidak bagus.. Just letting you know, I am not good at all in drawing.. If you close to me, you will know I only draw mountain, sun, house, tree, and duck.. I'm not joking, I am really sucks in drawing.. When I was in my 3rd year of junior high, my art teacher told me that my drawing was like a kid in primary school.. (T-T)

Ditambah lagi, I realize and absolutely know that I am not a creative person.. Compare to those other students yang memang sering berkecimpung di dunia advertising, I was nothing.. Tugas pertama ini sudah membuat saya deg-deg an..

3-4 days before due, saya mengumpulkan semua materi yang dibutuhkan, melihat beberapa iklan di internet sebagai contoh, try to think, think, and think.. Berpikir bagaimana kalau seperti ini, seperti itu, mencoba membayangka di kepala saya sketsa yang benar-benar sesuai dengan brief yang diberikan.. Ada 1 ide yang saya merasa bisa digunakan, but still, saya merasa 'masih ada yang kurang'.

Otak saya akhirnya buntu sudah dan memutuskan untuk beristirahat sejenak.. Pada saat saya memejamkan mata pun, saya tetap membayangkan sketch seperti apa yang harus saya gambar di kertas ini supaya orang-orang dapat mengerti maksud iklan tersebut.. Dan kalau bisa, saya tidak ingin menggambar sesuatu yang rumit since I'm not good at all in drawing.. I like something simple, clear, and to the point.. And I want to include those 3 in my ads so people can grab the message straight away when they see my ads.

Then I pray to God, saying : 'Help me Lord.. Help me.. I'm not good in these stuff, I know I'm not creative in arts.. Especially compare to those people in my class. Help me pass this one.. Give me wisdom.. Give me wisdom to have a concept that can deliver the ads message, so when people see it, they can draw into it straight away.. You said : Let your light so shine before men, so they may see your good workds and glorify your Father in Heaven. Then let Your light shine through me. Prove Your words to me.. Help me..'

I slept for around 2 hours.. You might find this odd.. But this is what happened..

• Exactly when I started to open my eyes, the picture came.. It was blurry since my eyes was still heavy.. In my heart I said : 'What?'. Then again, after I realize it was a picture, I opened my eyes straight away then I could see the picture clearly in my head..

Saya bangun dengan seketika mencari kertas dan pensil untuk menggambarnya so I wouldn't forget it..

Di paragraf sebelumnya. I told you there was this 1 idea yang saya merasa bisa digunakan tapi masih ada yang kurang.. Sebelum tidur, saya mencoba menambahkan ini dan itu, tapi tetap saya merasa ada yang kurang..

• And you know the picture that came to my head when I opened my eyes, was actually the same picture WITH some additional things that I couldn't even think of before.. In that drawing also, there was a headline.. Kalimat yang digunakan untuk judul iklan tersebut, merupakan 1 dari beberapa kalimat yang sudah saya siapkan sebelumnya sebelum tidur.. And the best part : the sketch was just so simple but I know people will understand it.. I just knew it..

After finishing the sketch, I put down my pencil, took the paper, looked at it and said (almost like screaming excitedly perhaps in my room with a big smile in my face) : 'It's PERFECT.. It is PERFECT.. This is the one.. Wohoooo!! Thanks Jesus!'. I submit it then practicing my presentation..

On the presentation day, I was quite nervous since it's been a long time for me to stand in front of many people.. When I wait for my turn, on my desk, I prayed. 'Be with me.. Be with me Lord.. I will present it well, I will'...

I only had 2 minutes to present my advertisement.. I only had 2 minutes to make people understand my ads..

It's my turn.. I came forward, my heart was beating fast, keep saying in my heart 'Be with me ya Lord', then I did my presentation..

When I said to the teacher 'That's it from me', I knew I did it pretty well, like how I practiced in my bedroom hours ago..

However, the class, even the teacher was quiet.. My heart was beating even faster.. My face slowly became red.. James looked at my presentation.. After few seconds, pointing at my ads, saying :

'Those words you used for headlines and sub-headline were so powerful, making it so effective for readers to understand your ads. Good job'. 

All the students there gave me applause.. If you were there, you would see I smile really wide and became so shy.. I said thank you and thank to the teacher for his words.. Walking back to my seat, I said this in my heart : 'That's for you Jesus.. Thank you. Finally it's done'.

My friend who sit beside me, poked me and said, 'Great ads, I like it'. Couldn't stop smiling, I replied her back, 'Thank you'. When I finished advertising class, I went out to buy food then came back to marketing class.. The desk in marketing class was quite big so 6 people can sit together there.. There was a person, from the same desk, came to me and said,' Hey I really like your ads in the previous class. It's good, I understand the ads message when I looked at it'. I replied : 'Oh yes I remember we were in the same class before. Thank you. What's ur name?.....'. Then we became friends,hehehhe..

For the 2nd assignments, etc, I did the same thing.. Whenever I felt stuck, I took time to rest for few hours and prayed the same prayer.. And the same thing happened, I opened my eyes, the picture came and my concept became perfect..

I was so happy when the teacher said this for my 2nd presentation : 'This might be a really good example for a simple advertisement that works really well.. Great works!'.

It did not mean he never criticizde me at all lho.. No, He gave me many advices also, in a really good way.. Saying,' It's good, but perhaps, don't you think it would be better if it's like this and that? Maybe if you put it this way, audience will understand it quicker,etc.. He's really nice that I didn't get offended at all..
_________________________________________________

(Play the video while reading ya)

Never thought in my life :

- I could do advertising
- I could reach even the average point in advertising

I always think, arts or everything which is related to drawing, is not my world.. I know myself really well in this..

However once again, He proved me wrong.. He knew me far better than myself.. He saw that potential that I never think of..

- I thought if I can reach what people say 'the average', it would be good enough already for person like me who doesn't have arts background compare to those people in my class.
- I thought if I can only get pass in this course, it was a good thing already for sure..

Berkali-kali, pikiran itu datang.. Di hati kecil ini, saya sebenarnya sama sekali tidak bisa menerima hal tersebut.. Honestly, I dislike 'only pass' score.. I really don't like it.. I don't want to become average.. I have a high expectation for myself..

• But I ask myself : How can I expect to do it really well, if I don't have the skill?

I faced a big wall.. My mind was blocked..

I will be so ashamed if I fail this course because of my inability.. I couldn't accept it

Then I took a decision : I REFUSE TO ACCEPT IT.. IT CANNOT HAPPEN TO ME AND IT WILL NOT HAPPEN TO ME..

For me, in times like this, I always choose to put down my work for a moment and rest while praying..

I turn to Him..

Begging for assistance, saying so many encouragement words, and most importantly : I repeat His promises to me..

- And GOD IS ABLE to make all grace abound toward you, that you always having ALL SUFFICIENY IN ALL THINGS, may have an ABUDANCE FOR EVERY GOOD WORK : 2 Corinthians 9:8

- What is impossible for man is POSSIBLE WITH GOD : Luke 18:27

- But You said to me 'My Grace is sufficient for you, for MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS : 2 Corinthians 12:9A

- ASK AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU : Matthew 7:7A

- And I WILL DO WHATEVER YOU ASK IN MY NAME, SO THAT THE FATHER MAY BE GLORIFIED IN THE SON : John 14:13

- Being CONFIDENT in this, THAT HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN ME,WILL CARRY IT ON TO COMPLETION...... : Philipians 1:6A

Long time ago, I have a friend that give the meaning of my name. A bible verses which I always use to close my prayer :

• CINDY : REFLECTOR OF LIGHT ---> Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in Heaven (Matthew 5:16)

I told Him : 'This verse gonna come alive as long as I live. Your light will shine through me, so people can see the goodness in me, that they glorify You in the end. I certain that this verse will come to pass in my life.. Then help me, prove it to me. You said ASK and IT WILL BE GIVEN.. Then I ask this to happen to me'.

So many times, countless times perhaps, I sat on my bed saying those words to encourage myself..

Then what I did next just be still or sleep,hahahhahaha..  With a certainty, He WOULD NOT FAIL ME.. HE IS FAITHFUL..

Then here I am now, doing far more than average because of the wisdom He gave me.. Not bragging about myself, but boasting about THE LORD kindness and favor..
______________________

Perhaps, similar situation has happened to you..

Kalian ditempatkan pada 1 posisi dimana kalian tidak tahu harus berbuat apa.. Kalian harus mengerjakan hal yang baru.. Kalian ditempatkan pada lingkungan yang membuat kalian merasa tidak nyaman or worse, membuat kalian menjadi merasa kecil dibandingkan dengan orang-orang lain di sekitarmu.. 

It's hard, isn't it? Sometimes thought like " Should I just give up? Should I just stop here? Should I just being average?" or maybe regret thought like : "I should never start this". come to your mind..

I learnt that whatever situation you face right now, even if it's good, bad thought will always come..

Then if that's the case, it's actually YOUR DECISION to take those thoughts into account or not.

For me, I REFUSE TO DWELL IN THOSE NEGATIVE ACCUSATION..

Let me share with you what I believe in :

- I believe if God put me there, HE HAS A PURPOSE FOR ME

- I believe if I need to face difficult situation, HE IS THE ONE THAT GONNA LEAD ME TO A WAY OUT

- I believe if I am in uncomfortable condition right now, HE WILL GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO ENDURE IT

- I believe I AM BORN NOT TO BECOME AVERAGE, BUT EXTRAORDINARY

- I BELIEVE WHATEVER HAPPEN TO ME RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN SAY IT'S BAD OR WHATEVER, BUT WHAT I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IS : IN THE END IT ALWAYS FOR MY GOOD.. 

- EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE IS DESIGNED FOR ME, NOT TO ME.. I CHOOSE TO LOOK AT THE POSITIVE SIDE, INSTEAD OF NEGATIVE ONES. 

- I KNOW THERE IS SURELY A FUTURE HOPE FOR ME AND MY HOPE WILL NOT BE CUT OF.. MY HOPE COMES FROM THE LORD.. I HAVE SUCH CONFIDENCE FROM HIS WORDS AND UNTIL THIS TIME, WHAT I SEE IS : ALWAYS AND ALWAYS, HE BRINGS ME TO FLOURISHING FINISH.. BEYOND MY IMAGINATION.. (Proverbs 23:18 ; Psalm 62:5B)

People will do mistakes.. There is no perfect individual in this world..

But I'm glad, to know that the way my God works is like a GPS.. Even if you take a wrong turn, the route will change.. YET, it will still find another way, that LEAD you to your DESTINATION.. 

• BE STILL MY FRIEND.. BE STILL AND SEE.. SEE THE SALVATION FROM THE LORD (Exodus 14:13A)

That's why I know, everything in my life will be just fine..

I just need to do my part, ask for help when I face a stumble block, then be still and LET HIM do HIS WORKS..

DO YOUR PART WITHOUT INTERFERE HIS PART..

LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES.. AND NOT EVERY SURPRISES CAN MAKE US HAPPY.. SOMETIMES, IT GAVE US A SHOCK.. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT..

• What happen in this life can shift our focus to what should be our priority..

Tell me the answer of these questions :


- WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT IN LIFE THAN LIFE ITSELF?

- WHAT'S MORE ESSENTIAL TO LIVE THAN TO LIVE YOUR LIFE AT THIS VERY MOMENT?


If.. If it's to much for you now.. Hey, maybe it's time for you to STOP and look around.. People needs break time.. Even if it's just 5 minutes..

Never forget for being grateful.. Never..

Forever will be, until this time, whatever challenges come to me, how much tears I have poured out because of what life gave me, I CHOOSE TO BE GRATEFUL.. KNOWING IN THE END, EVERYTHING WILL JUST MAKE SENSE AND FOR MY GOOD..

• I STOP AND LOOK, NOT JUST SEE.. I LOOK CLEARLY, HOW MY GOD IS WORKING BEHIND THE SCENE.. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT I KNOW HE CAN AND HE IS ABLE TO TURN MY SITUATION AROUND IN HIS PERFECT TIMING..

He is good.. Always, it won't change.. My declaration will always be the same : HE IS GOOD..

So friends, I sincerely hope that this post will give you strength.. You are not alone, and never be alone.. Answer those questions and be happy..

• AND WHEN GOD IS FOR YOU, WHO CAN STAND AGAINST YOU? BE STILL, STAY, AND WAIT.. YOU WILL SEE THE DELIVERANCE OF THE LORD..

• ALWAYS HAVE FAITH TOWARD THAT 1 PERSON THAT HAS SAVED YOU, ONCE AND FOR ALL.. OUR SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST..

Kind regards,
Cindy

Master Degree!

Hi all, how r u?? It's been a while since my last post, isn't it? It feels good to be back in this chapter and start writing again..

I said in my last post that it's autumn in Sydney.. But now, it's changed to WINTER already! Dingin sekali di pagi hari, bisa sampai 5-7 derajat gitu.. Butuh perjuangan banget lho untuk bangun dari ranjang.. Tidak bisa lepas sama yang namanya selimut tebal dan penghangat.. 

Musim dingin yang kali ini katanya lebih dingin dari tahun-tahun sebelumnya guys.. Dampaknya adalah, saya jadi sering malas keluar rumah.. Biasanya hanya keluar dinner sebentar lalu pulang karena dingin banget.. Ingin nempel terus dengan tempat tidur,hhehehhe..

In this post, I will share 'behind the scene' story of my Master Degree's decision.. I hope in some ways, the point of this story can encourage you with whatever you face right now in your life.. Enjoy reading :)

__________________________________________

Back in year 2009, I chose Hospitality Management as my major and attended Blue Mountains Hotel School in Sydney, Australia. Untuk memperoleh gelar bachelor di major ini, durasi yang dibutuhkan hanyalah 2,5 tahun which was really quick karena sepengetahuan saya, kamu paling tidak membutuhkan waktu minimum 4 tahun untuk mendapatkan gelar sarjana di Indonesia.

I graduated in the mid of 2012, when I was still 20 years old. Jauh sebelum saya graduate, mami sebenarnya sudah menyarankan untuk melanjutkan pendidikan lagi ke jenjang yang lebih tinggi, which was Master. Saya dan mami sempat berdebat cukup lama mengenai hal ini. Saat itu, keputusan saya adalah tidak, saya merasa gelar S2 tersebut tidaklah begitu penting. Saya prefer terjun langsung ke dunia pekerjaan setelah graduation kelak.

Sesudah graduation itu selesai, mami sempat menyinggung lagi hal seputar master ini. Mami menyayangkan sekali jika saya tidak melanjutkan ke S2 karena saya masih muda dan masih bisa belajar banyak hal lagi yang dapat memberikan bekal penting untuk masa depan. Sekali lagi, saya menolaknya. Berhari-hari setelah itu, pertanyaan itu terus dilontarkan kepada saya karena semua anggota keluarga setuju dan mendukung sekali agar saya melanjutkan pendidikan lagi. And my answer was the same, I said no. 

Then I said this to stop my mom asking me again and again : 'Mi, if later I want to do it, I will tell you straight away. But for now, I can assure you that there's no such thing as Master Degree in my mind. I just got a visa to work here and I want to have experience in my major. That's the only important thing which occupied my head now. Jangan buat saya jadi semakin banyak pikiran dong mi'. 

That's it. She stopped and letting me do what I wanted to do.

I got my temporary visa till May 2014. 4-5 months before my visa expired, strange thing happened.

- On 1 fine day, I took a nap in the afternoon. Ketika bangun, saya dapat merasakan sekali bahwa ada 1 perubahan terjadi dalam hati ini. Tiba-tiba dalam hati saya timbul sendiri keinginan untuk mengambil Master. I still remember till now that I laughed to myself, saying "Lho kok, tahu-tahu pengen master? Mateng dah nanti pasti habis ini mami ceramah lagi,hahahahha". Sungguh saya berkata seperti itu sambil tertawa sendiri.

But I did what I said before, saya akan bilang ke mami langsung jika nanti saya ada keinginan sekolah lagi.

Tetap di hari yang sama, pada waktu sore, saya menelpon mami. Kurang lebih conversationnya berlangsung seperti ini : 

Me : Mi..

Mom : Hmm? Kenapa Cin?

Me : Saya kok tahu-tahu barusan, ada pingin sekolah Master ya.. Hehehhe..

Mom : Lho.. Sudah dibilangi dari dlu bla bla bla bla bla.. (Mulailah sudah ceramahnya seperti perkiraan,hahahhahha)

Mom : (Setelah selesai berceramah), ya sudah kalau gitu kamu pengen ambil apa?

Me : Kalau sekolah lagi saya inginnya ambil komunikasi public relations.

Mom : Ok habis ini cepat cari-cari info sekolah yang bagus terus nanti telp mami lagi kalau sudah ketemu. Jangan lupa cari agent sekalian buat urus perpanjang visa. Mesti dari dulu tidak mau nurut sama mami.

Me : Hahahhahahha iya iya sabar atuh.. Nanti takabari lagi.. Daaa mii :)

Lalu setelah itu saya pergi ke agent, mulai tanya-tanya seputar ini itu, universitas yang bagus di Sydney dan tentunya Melbourne.. Di post-post saya sebelumnya, sempat saya sebutkan disitu bahwa saya ingin sekali pindah ke Melbourne.. Dulu sempat saya ingin coba apply pekerjaan disana tapi entah mengapa tiba-tiba semua lowongan yang dulu saya targetkan, hilang entah kemana.. Oleh karena itu saya memandang situasi ini, sebagai suatu kemungkinan bagi saya untuk dapat pindah ke Melbourne. 

Saya menyebutkan 3 universitas yang termasuk paling baik di Sydney dan 1 uni yang saya suka di Melbourne, lalu pulang dengan membawa 4 bouklet buku mengenai uni-uni tersebut.

Hari-hari berikutnya, sehabis bekerja, saya sempatkan membaca buku-buku tersebut dan melakukan research, serta bertanya kepada orang-orang agar mendapatkan info yang lebih lengkap lagi. Saya kira untuk apply sekolah, saya hanya bisa memilih 1, namun ternyata kita bisa apply lebih dari 1. Oleh karena itu, akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk apply di 1 uni di Sydney dan 1nya lagi di Melbourne.

Agent saya pun berkata bahwa kebetulan sekali minggu depannya, akan ada perwakilan dari uni-uni di Sydney/Melbourne yang datang dan memberikan kesempatan untuk mengisi aplikasi sekolah tanpa dikenakan biaya. She said 'You are lucky. Usually they charge you but this time they do it for free. On that day you can ask as many questions as you like and apply straight away after that. I'm gonna be here to help you as well". Yuhuuuuuuuu :):)

Next week, saya datang membawa passport, ijazah serta script nilai-nilai saya di Blue Mountains dulu. Saya bertemu dan ngobrol secara langsung dengan perwakilan uni-uni tersebut. Lalu akhirnya saya yakin 100% akan apply di 2 uni tersebut, kakak perwakilan itu meminta semua data di sekolah saya yang dulu.

Pada waktu dia membaca dan melihat perincian nilai yang saya miliki, dia cukup terkejut. Lalu menanyakan hal ini,' You sure you apply for Communications major? With your marks in your previous uni, you can be accepted in Business Degree since we are looking for candidates that has score like you. You don't like MBA? Management?. I said, 'No thank you. I prefer communications'. He answered,' Okay then if that's what you like. It's good also. You can go to that lady over there. She will give you a form and you need to fill that out'.

Ketika saya pergi ke wanita tersebut, dia memberikan 2 formulir yang harus saya isi untuk apply di 2 uni yang saya suka, lalu sekali lagi meminta nilai-nilai saya yang dulu. She showed me the same reaction as him. She looked at my scores and said.' Why don't you apply for Master in Business. With this score, you can got accepted there. Your score suitted with our uni expectation. I'm just saying, I think Business is better for you'. I answered her,' Really? Hahha.. That guy over there said the same thing. Thank you but no, I prefer communications'. 'Okay then that's fine, just fill out this form, I'm gonna take a copy of these paper and we're done', she said.

It's all done and I called my mom on the way back to apartment. I asked her,'Mi saya ngambil komunikasi bener kan ya? Ndapapa kan ya? Itu tadi koko and cece di agentnya bilang saya kok tidak ambil master business aja karena nilai2 saya memenuhi syarat semua?'. She answered,' Kamu sukanya apa Cin, kalau emang suka Communications ya ndapapa kok, dulu kamu kan juga ada keinginan ambil itu sebenarnya. Sudah ndapapa, jadi sekarang tinggal menunggu kabar dari mereka atau uninya ya? Perlu tes IELTS lagi apa tidak kamu?'. 'Iyaa, bisa tahunya perlu tes lagi n urus visa studentnya nanti setelah ada pernyataan dari 2 uni itu saya keterima atau tidak.', jawabku.

Next week, my agent called and asked me to come to the office if I have time. Disitu dia memberi tahu bahwa untuk master degree, beberapa universitas mengharuskan student2 untuk menulis sebuah essay pendek yang berisi mengapa mereka memilih jurusan master itu and mengapa apply di uni tersebut. Kebetulan, 2 uni yang saya apply ini meminta essay tersebut.

I thought,' Oh nooo, sudah lama banget nda nulis essay nih, mateng cara buatnya aja lupa gimana'. Plus ditambah karena sudah kurang lebih 2 tahun tidak melakukan hal-hal berbau sekolah, jadi ada bumbu2 kemalasan yang menyerang juga,ahahhaha.. Sungguhan lho tapi, saya kan diminta menulisnya secepat mungkin, tapi akhirnya secara saya orang yang cukup pelupa, ada kerjaan plus hal-hal lain yang harus dirurus juga, saya akhirnya tidak mengerjakannya selama sebulan.

However, there was a funny thing happened. I remember exactly saat saya membuka microsoft words untuk mulai menulis essay itu, saya juga membuka new tab google chrome untuk check email. Dan tiba-tiba ada notification email yang masuk, dari salah 1 uni tersebut yang berkata bahwa saya diterima. I was surprised since saya belum menulis dan mengirim essay yang dia minta. Hari-hari berikutnya, the agent called me and said bahwa saya mendapat offer letter untuk uni 1nya yang saya juga apply.

On my days off, saya datang ke kantor agent tersebut untuk membahas apa yang harus saya lakukan berikutnya. I asked her, why I got accepted, karena saya sama sekali belum menulis dan mengirim essay yang mereka minta. She did not know also why, she just got an email that I got accepted already so there was no need to write an essay. She said again,' Another good news is you don't need to re-take IELTS test, they still accepted your last score. This is quite rarely happening, good on you Cindy!'. I was like OMOO!!! Hahhahahhaha.. Seneng bangetttt tidak perlu tes IELTS lagi. Langsung deh saya telpon mami untuk menceritakan tentang semua ini,hehehhhe..

Saya lalu meminta waktu kurang lebih seminggu untuk lebih mempelajari 2 uni ini agar dapat menentukan pilihan. Kembali saya membedakan antara Uni Melbourne dan Sydney ini dari segi course dan subject yang mereka tawarkan, durasi lama pengajarannya, dan tentu saja mana yang memiliki peringkat lebih tinggi. Saya semakin gencar melakukan research dan meminta pendapat orang-orang. Setelah menimbang-nimbang, ternyata hampir semua dari checklist yang saya miliki, uni yang berada di Sydney memiliki nilai yang lebih baik.

Di hari off saya berikutnya, saya datang ke kantor agent pendidikan itu dan mengatakan pilihan saya. She said it was a correct choice to make. I need to fill out 1 more form to confirm my decision then that was it! I am done!! The rest was just student visa, health test, and insurance. It took months and months to get it done. Thanks God semuanya berjalan lancar.

- Just an addition information, mengurus visa student memakan waktu yang cukup lama dan saya sudah mulai mengurusnya jauh sebelum sekolah saya mulai karena saya harus pulang Indo sebentar dan visa TR yang saya miliki akan habis dalam waktu dekat. Pengajuan student visa saya sempat ditolak dan setelah ditelusuri ternyata ada beberapa kesalahan. Di dalam proses apply student visa itu, saya harus berada di Australia, tidak boleh keluar dari negeri itu. Jadi jika sampai tanggal kepulangan saya ke Indo visa itu tetap belum keluar, tiket pesawat saya akan hangus dan sia2 (I bought the ticket long time ago before I knew this whole Master situation would happen to me).

- Terkadang perasaan bingung itu muncul, khawatir harus berbuat apa jika student visa saya tidak keluar juga di hari kepulangan saya ke Indo. Saya juga harus memberikan update visa baru di tempat kerja, my TR (Temporary Resident) visa will be expired in a few weeks. Sampai 2 minggu sebelum kepulangan saya ke Indo, visa itu belum juga keluar. Oh noooo.. Nevertheless, every night when I prayed, this heart was just had an assurance that everything will be alright and just on time.

- Dan kalian tahu, 2 hari sebelum TR visa saya expired, 1 minggu sebelum tanggal keberangkatan saya ke Surabaya, sore harinya, akhirnya visa saya di approved oleh imigrasi. PRAISE THE LORD!!! Langsung saya print dan masukkan ke tas kecil yang akan saya bawa di airport nanti.. EVERYTHING JUST HAPPENED ON TIME PEOPLE, uhuyyyyy.. :):)

* Back in the present time, I just finished my Orientation Week. Today, my 1st class will start. Nervous juga nih, deg2an salting sendiri,hahhahaha.. My family is here also at the moment, jadi sebelum kelas di malam hari (Master kelasnya banyak yang malam), saya menemani mereka dulu.. Kerjaan sementara minta ijin dulu untuk break, 2 minggu lagi baru akan mulai lagi.. Moga2 semua dapat berjalan dengan baik dan seimbang ya guys.. :)

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Hari-hari setelah pengurusan Master, visa, dan health check itu selesai, saya sering bertanya 1 hal pada waktu berdoa di malam hari.. I ask God why suddenly out of nowhere I have an urge to continue my study? Karena tidak pernah keinginan seperti itu muncul sebelumnya..

Days passed by, I kept asking same question every night. And again, when I sat alone in my bedroom in my apartment, at night, before I went to sleep, inside my heart, I could feel it, whether you believe it or not, there was a small tiny little voice saying :

"Once, there was a little girl saying that she wanted to experience a normal uni-life. She was telling herself and other people that she wanted to wear casual shirt, carrying small backpack on her back, as well as books in her hands. She imagined this to be included in her youth life long time ago, and what I did now is just fulfilling her wish.".

Saya terdiam. I was out of words for a while before I said, 'THAT GIRL WAS ME'.

My past memories came back in a flash.

I remember when I was in my dormitory, when I took my 1st degree in Blue Mountains Hotel School, THERE WAS A TIME when I told myself and some of my closest friends, that I would like to experience normal uni life. Di hotel school, kalian harus mengenakan seragam dan harus rapi setiap saat dari ujung kepala hingga kaki. Dari kecil sekali, saya selalu membayangkan jika saya kuliah nanti, saya akan mengenakan baju bebas, di tempat perkuliahan yang besar, makan di kantin bersama teman-teman, belajar di perpustakaan yang besar sambil membawa laptop dan buku-buku. Yah maklum mungkin sering nonton sinetron remaja dulu waktu kecil,hahahahahha..

Sebenarnya, saya sama sekali tidak memandang keinginan itu sebagai sesuatu yang serius.. I was just saying randomly that I would love to experience those kinds of things.. I'm just saying, that's it.. Setelah itu, selama bertahun-tahun, saya tidak pernah menyebutkan itu lagi sama sekali, bahkan saya LUPA saya pernah menginginkan hal tersebut..
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Has it ever happened to you?

- How you have a WISH, that even you actually DON'T consider it as something important, you FORGET about it, then after few/many years, u eventually got it UNEXPECTEDLY and SURPRISINGLY, IT FEELS RIGHT, JUST ON TIME?

Dear friends, what I learn from my experience are :

• THERE ARE NO DREAMS WHICH ARE NOT IMPORTANT TO OUR CREATOR. 

• EVEN YOU FORGET ABOUT YOUR OWN WISHES, HE DID NOT EVEN ONCE FORGET ABOUT IT.

Dengan lifestyle yang sibuk, terkadang dalam hidup ini, perspective, impian, dan kepercayaan diri yang kita miliki, bisa berubah.

Karena hal yang diinginkan/dimimpikan tidak kunjung datang, manusia punya kecenderungan untuk melupakan atau mengganti impiannya. Bahkan tanpa kita sadari, kita bisa melupakan impian kita sendiri karena waktu yang kita miliki sudah disita oleh kesibukan yang ada dalam keseharian. 

Your confidence towards God and yourself can disappear slowly. Your expectation and faith decrease gradually.

It happened to me so many times. Even I know so many bible verses that can give me strength, I am a human too. I can fall and worry about so many things in my life.

What's gonna happen to me if I can't achieve it? What should I do next? How can I pass this challenges?

So many questions pop up randomly in my head in so many occasions. I believe you have experienced this kind of feeling too, right?

But God is good. Whatever it is, I'm gonna always declare that HE IS GOOD.

Based on my own story, once again He made me in awe.

• HOW CAN HE STILL MEMORIZE WHAT I SAID LONG TIME AGO? 

• I ALWAYS THINK I AM THE OWNER OF MY DREAM, IF I FORGET, WHO ELSE GONNA REMEMBER IT? YET, HE PROVED ME WRONG, HE REMEMBERS EVEN THE TINY WISHES WHICH I CONSIDER NOT ESSENTIAL AT ALL. 

I got 2 lessons..

1. I AM NOT THE OWNER OF MY DREAMS.. HE PUTS THOSE DREAMS INSIDE ME.. HE IS THE OWNER AND HE IS ALSO THE ONE THAT WILL HELP ME ACHIEVE IT. 

        (Philippians 1: 6 =  "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus".)

    2. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SMALL DREAMS IN HIS DICTIONARY. IT'S JUST OUR MINDSET WHICH SAYING IT'S SMALL, IT'S USELESS, IT DOESN'T MAKES SENSE. NO, I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IN THOSE WORDS. IF HE CONSIDER WHAT I THOUGHT WAS TINY AS BIG THING, IT MEANS ALL MY LITTLE THINGS ARE BIG ALSO. 

EVEN I HAVE THE SMALLEST FAITH, IF IT'S RIGHT, HE WILL NOTICE IT AND NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE. EVEN I DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY LIKE THAT PERSON, IF I WORK HARD, HE WILL SEE IT AND OPEN THE DOORS WHICH NOONE CAN CLOSE. WHEN I CONSIDER MYSELF AS LOSER, HE CAME AND SAID YOU ARE MORE THAN A WINNER, YOU ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYES.

   (Matthew 17 : 20 = "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”)

EVEN I JUST HAVE THOSE 5 BREADS AND 2 FISHES, HE STILL CAN MAKE BIG THING OUT OF IT..

+ THEN IF HE CONSIDER EVERYTHING WITHIN ME/YOU AS BIG AND IMPORTANT, WHY SAYING MY/YOUR DREAMS ARE SMALL ANYWAY? IF THE OWNER OF MY DREAM REGARD IT AS SUBSTANTIAL, YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY IT IS NOT SIGNIFICANT.

Many people will say that your dreams will not come to pass.. 

They will say it's not gonna happen.. 

They will say it's impossibe, it's hard to achieve.. 

Why sacrifice so many things to gain something that not yet happened or perhaps will not happen? 

They will ask you to become realistic.. 

They will ask you to live this life like normal people.. 

And Ironically, usually the people who bring you down is the one that close to you.

I tell what you what I know :

- A DREAMER WILL ALWAYS BE 1 STEP AHEAD THAN A REALISTIC. NOTICE THAT EVERYTHING THAT THOSE PEOPLE SAID IMPOSSIBLE ONCE, A DREAMER CAN MAKE IT POSSIBLE NOW. 

- A DREAMER HAS SOMETHING THAT A REALISTIC DON'T : IMAGINATION & VISION, WHICH CAN TAKE THEM BEYOND WHAT ALL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD COULD THINK OR ACHIEVE..

Of course being a dreamer is not enough to make your dreams come true, it's the 1st step. You still need to believe in it and work hard. Believe in God and believe in yourself.

- BEING A DREAMER DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE NOT REALISTIC. IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE BLIND WITH REALITY. ON THE CONTRARY, YOU CAN MAKE BALANCE BETWEEN YOUR OWN FAITH AND FACT, THEN MAKE THE MOST OF IT.

If people give you advice or criticize you, accept it. Think, if it's right, then perhaps you need to change a little bit. Take it professionally, not personally. Remember that we have our blind sides also, we are not always 100% correct in everything..

Remember, THERE IS TIME FOR EVERYTHING.. THERE ARE SEASONS IN THIS LIFE..

I had written this in my past post years ago..

• You CANNOT JUDGE 1 life, BY ONLY 1 SEASON.
• The ESSENCE of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from this life CAN ONLY BE MEASURED AT THE END, when ALL the seasons are UP.

*** If you give up when it’s winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

1. Don’t let the pain of ONE season destroy the joy of ALL the rest. 
2. Don’t judge life by ONE difficult season. 
3. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are SURE TO COME some time or later.

- NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. 

- IF IT HASN'T HAPPENED RIGHT NOW, DOES NOT MEAN IT WILL NOT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE. 

SOMETIMES, YOU NEED TO REFLECT ON YOURSELF,

- ASK QUESTION : HAVE YOU DOING THINGS RIGHT TO HELP YOU ACHIEVE THOSE DREAMS?

Apakah yang kamu sebenarnya sudah percaya bahwa kamu dapat mencapainya? Apakah yang kamu lakukan sekarang sudah sedikit demi sedikit mendekatkanmu ke arah impian tersebut?

• BE PATIENT.. EVERYTHING TAKES TIME.. YOU CAN'T BUILD A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE IN 1 DAY RIGHT? 

• DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO NOW, WITH NOTE, DO SOMETHING THAT MAKE YOU CLOSER TO YOUR DREAMS TOO.. DO NOT NEGLECT IT..

• REMEMBER, IF THOSE DREAMS COME FROM GOD, I AM SURE WHATEVER YOU DO, EVEN IF YOU WANT TO, YOU JUST CANNOT LET IT GO.. EVEN ALL PEOPLE SAY YOU ARE CRAZY, AND YOU YOURSELF THINK YOU'RE CRAZY, YOU STILL CANNOT LET IT GO.. IT WILL STAY IN YOUR HEART ALWAYS AND ONE DAY YOU WILL GET IT IN THE CORRECT TIME..

- NEVER IN MY LIFE, NOT EVEN ONCE, I HAVE EVER THOUGHT I WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE MY STUDY.. BIG NO! 

- BUT NOW I REALIZE, TO REACH MY DREAMS, IT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO TAKE IT.. AND MIRACULOUSLY, IT WAS LITERALLY CAME FROM MY OWN PERSONAL WISH (LONG TIME AGO) TO EXPERIENCE A NORMAL UNI LIFE. HE FULFILLED IT THROUGH THIS MASTER DEGREE.. 

- YOU WILL BE AMAZED HOW GOD CAN CHANGES THE ATTITUDE OF YOUR HEART SINCE SOMETIMES, TO ACHIEVE THOSE DREAMS, YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING WHICH YOU DON'T WANT TO DO BEFORE..

- THERE IS NO FORCE WHATSOEVER INCLUDED IN MY DECISION TO TAKE THIS MASTER. IT'S PURELY MY CHOICE AND I AM ABSOLUTELY HAPPY ABOUT IT. 

- SUDDENLY, I WAS INTERESTED IN IT.. SUDDENLY, I WANT TO STUDY AGAIN. AND SUDDENLY, IT FEELS SO RIGHT IN MY HEART WHEN I CHOOSE THIS MAJOR. 

1. I could apply for the uni for free, no application charges etc. 

2. When they see my score, they offered me a Master in Business Degree (it's a good thing for sure since if I can got accepted in business, I will most probably make it in other major too). 

3. My IELTS score had expired already, but I didn't need to retake the test again when other people still need to. 

4. I didn't make the essay that the uni required but I got accepted just like that. 

5. I got my student visa only 2 days before my TR expired, isn't that insane?

*** I don't need any more proofs from Him to show me that this is the path which I need to walk into.. 

HIS WILL AND MINE ARE MATCH TOGETHER.. YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME MORE AMAZED? IT HAPPENS JUST IN THE CORRECT TIME. HOW WONDERFUL IS THAT?

Habakkuk 2: 2-3 = 

2 And The Lord answered me:

“Write the vision;
    make it plain on tablets,
    so he may run who reads it.
3 For still THE VISION AWAIT ITS APPOINTED TIME;
    it hastens to the end—IT WILL NOT LIE.
IF IT SEEMS SLOW, WAIT FOR IT;
    IT WILL SURELY COME; it will not delay.

Lastly, ponder to these sentences : 

* What's the point to have imagination if you don't have a willingness to make it true? What's the point to have such vision if you don't believe that one day, it will come to pass?

* Why live this life normally, if you can live in extraordinary way? NORMAL IS TOO COMMON. You are unique. Beautiful in every single way, made by the hands of God. You are born to be different!

+ Many people live in this world, but not all of them trully alive. BE ALIVE THEN!!!. YOU ARE YOUNG AND FREE. THERE IS NO LIMIT IN WHAT YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH IN THIS WORLD. 

## I PROUDLY DECLARE MYSELF AS A DREAMER. I MAKE WISH ON STARS, I AM A DREAMER AND I KNOW IT. PEOPLE ASK ME WHERE I AM GOING WITH THAT KIND OF DREAMS? I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT, BUT I KNOW THIS. I AM CERTAIN THAT I AM GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. I PUT MY LIFE ALIGN WITH HIS WAY AND PURPOSE. SO ONE DAY, IF I BOAST IT'S GONNA BE FOR HIS GLORY. EVERYTHING'S WITHIN ME COMES FROM HIM AND IT WILL COME BACK TO HIM.. ##

Cast all your worries, all your concerns, all your dreams to Him. I have FAITH about this sentence which I always declare in my prayer. You can include it in your prayer too if you want :

"but God has SURELY listened and has heard my prayer". (Psalm 66:19)

Everything counts in Him. He knows me from the inside out. I know He is working right now. I just need to do my best at this very moment, be still, and see the salvation from THE LORD.. (Exodus 14:13A)

Regards,

Cindy

Differences?

4 April 2014

Hi everyone.. How are you? How's your March? It's almost April now, geez! Time flies really fast..

At the moment, it is Autumn in Sydney. Not that hot anymore, and not that cold YET.. Sometimes it's raining so hard though, like yesterday.. The weather is just unbelievable here.. Some said it's like you live in a city that has 4 season in a day! What season is it now in Surabaya? Is it raining?... Hhhh, I miss Indo :(

As you know from my previous post, I moved to a new apartment. It took me around 1 week to unpack, organize, and put everything in the right place. So glad it's settled now! :)

Ok.. Done with the introduction, let's start the real post now..
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As my opening post,

The stories happened a long time ago. The moral point came to me ONCE, but I almost forget it again. Then out of nowhere, I was being reminded again recently..

I considered myself as a perfectionist in some areas like work, school, people, etc.

Becoming perfectionist, there is a positive and negative side on it. Perhaps the positive is whatever task you give to that person, it will be done in a really proper and professional way. On the contrary, the negative is when it is supposed to be a team-work, it's hard to trust other. I need to double check it with my own eyes and most times, I can think that it's supposed to be done exactly like the way I want it since my way is 100% the best.

It happened when I was in high school. When it comes to group tasks, it's always me and this great friend of mine. Whatever it is, I enjoyed myself being the one in charge. So I gave her order to do it like this and that, worse, sometimes I want to handle that assignment myself and give her a super easy job like printing. Yes, printing only. I did everything and I like it being that way.

When the score came out, it's always 90 and above. I am super proud of it, being praised by many teachers, adored by so many friends, numerous people want to be in the same group as mine because everything is organized, getting the highest score in class, WOW! For my individual task or exam, I always get a high score too. She only got 70.. I started to tease her, harshly joking "Kamu cuma bisanya nge-print, enak kan 1 group sama aku nilaimu naik semua, jadi membantu nilai-nilai kamu yang lain".

Believe it or not, I had that side of me.

I went to Sydney to continue my study and she enrolled to one of the best university in Surabaya.

Then, she told me me something that made me really surprise, or you can say, shocked!

She got 99% in her exams, most times - without really studying seriously. She only studied 1 day prior her exam, also she studied while watching korean drama. Oh come on??? And in the middle of that, she could text me.. I was the one that keep saying to her you need to study. But how come the score is so high? (Notes : No cheating at all).

Not only that, she also had 3++ something as her IPK (Indeks prestasi-I don't know what you called it in English lol). Her group tasks got the highest mark from the teacher. She also got A in her individual assignment.

Are you kidding me?

When she shared her happiness to me, I answered "Congratzzz!!! You're amazing.. But how can you never show me that kind of performance when we're in high school? You could accomplish much more if you were like that too in high school."

Her answered silenced me : " Because you handled everything.. You never gave me the chance to show it".

She said again : "When we have group tasks, you only give me the task to print. You never put me in charge. When I did something, you always want to check it all first and changed it exactly like the way you want it to be, before we hand it in to the teacher."

She continued "But that's fine. I got a high score also when I was with you. Just letting you know that you need skill in printing something.. Don't underestimate the power of printing.. Therefore, you got a good score because of me too,hahahahha".

I was like "What did she just say?. I've never gave her a chance to show it? Whaaaattt?".

After we finished that conversation, happily of course, that night I started reflecting.

"Am I like that?". Then inside my heart, there was a voice said "Yes you were".

Finally I admit, "Oh my God, Yes I was".

(Noted : Till this time, we were remain good and close)
________________________________________________

End of the old stories, the beginning of the new one.

For years and years, I actually can say : I control it pretty well. I can trust other, I gave other opportunities to show me their skills, doing something with their own way.

Namun entah sejak kapan, sebenarnya sisi jelek dari perfeksionist itu perlahan-lahan kembali.

Apa yang seharusnya menjadi diskusi bersama, berakhir dengan perasaan tidak puas dalam hati jika jawaban akhir yang keluar tidak seperti yang saya perkirakan atau pikirkan.

Apa yang seharusnya dijadikan pertukaran pikiran untuk dapat mendewasakan diri, berakhir menjadi ketidak terimaan akan pola pikir orang lain yang menurut saya sama sekali tidak efficient dan tidak effective.

Apa yang seharusnya sama sekali tidak perlu dipermasalahkan, justru seakan-akan menjadi masalah terbesar yang harus diperdebatkan untuk dicari jalan keluarnya saat itu juga.

I just realized about this few months ago.

Ketika saya kesal sekali karena tidak bisa menerima pendapat atau penjelasan orang lain, I called my mom.

Saya berkata kepada beliau, "Mi, bagaimana mungkin terkadang orang bisa berpikir cara menyelesaikan masalah seperti ini adalah dengan melakukan bla bla bla... Cara seperti itu sungguh memakan waktu yang lama dan hampir tidak mungkin berhasil. Seharusnya seperti ini bla bla bla.. Benar kan mi pikiran saya? Kan harusnya seperti itu? Cepat dan pasti bagus nanti hasilnya."

She answered me but I guess I did not really listen to her since almost 3 times in a week (and it happened more than 1 week), at that time, I called her again and again.

Ketika saya terus mengatakan permasalahan yang sama berulang-ulang, she finally said this, perkataan yang pada akhirnya membuat saya sadar :

" Cin, jika kamu seperti ini terus, sampai 10 tahun ke depan nanti, kamu akan tetap telepon mami dengan masalah yang sama. Setiap orang itu berbeda. Mereka mengerjakan dan menyelesaikan sesuatu dengan cara yang berbeda-beda. Bahkan cara pandang tiap orang pun berbeda. Kamu tidak bisa membuat mereka semua memiliki cara kerja yang sama dengan kamu."

" Darimana kamu tahu bahwa jalan yang kamu pikirkan adalah yang terbaik? Kok bisa-bisanya kamu bilang mereka tidak sanggup menyelesaikan sesuatu hanya karena mereka menawarkan jalan keluar yang berbeda dengan yang kamu miliki? Kamu masa tahu kalau mereka sebenarnya juga mempertimbangkan banyak hal yang sebenarnya jauh lebih teliti dibanding kamu sebelum mengambil keputusan?"

 " Kamu juga harus ingat posisi kamu, Cin. Kamu itu siapa, menuntut orang untuk menjadi seperti kamu. Apakah kamu sudah sempurna? Mami ingatkan jangan sombong.. Menuntut orang menjadi sempurna, sedangkan kamu sendiri tidak sempurna". 

• "Ketika kamu menghargai seseorang, kamu seharusnya menerima mereka, bukan menuntut terlalu berlebihan dan merubah."

"Jika memang ada yang memang harus dirubah dari mereka, terutama karakter, nanti Tuhan yang akan bertindak sendiri. Yang bisa mengubahkan orang hanya Tuhan, Cin. Tuhan punya caraNya sendiri. Kalau kamu menuntut mereka terus sekarang, dengan kata lain kamu tidak percaya dong kalau Tuhan bisa membuat mereka menjadi lebih baik? Yang terbaik menurut kamu adalah dengan mereka menjadi kamu, tapi yang terbaik menurut Tuhan adalah jauh melebihi yang kamu pikirkan, dengan waktuNya yang sudah ditentukan."

Selama kurang lebih seminggu, saya bergumul dalam segala nasehat yang mami berikan. Tiap malam sebelum tidur, saya menyisihkan waktu yang lebih lama dari biasanya untuk merenungkan hal tersebut. I closed my eyes, praying, talking to my God alone inside my heart.

Asking " All this time, the same thing keep happening, same difficulties, is it because of me? The problem itself, is it actually me? Benarkah selama ini, saya menjadi lupa diri?".

Hari demi hari, saya menanyakan hal yang sama dan tidak ada jawaban.

Hingga mendekati hari terakhir di minggu tersebut, saya mendapatkan sebuah REMA.

Ketika saya duduk diam di atas tempat tidur, story between me and my friend that I told you in the beginning of this post popped back out of nowhere. Ingatan itu semua kembali dengan jelas, dan saya bertanya kepada diri sendiri, "Ah, why this memory again?..

Minutes after that, this heart knew that what happens to me, had already happened to me ONCE, LONG TIME AGO.. It's just different people in different time.

Then it became clear.. ONCE AGAIN, THE PROBLEM WAS ME..
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Has the same story ever happened to you too?

When you forgot your position, not looking to yourself but focus on other people too much.. Thinking that you are the smartest and greatest for everything. If anything goes wrong, it's other people's fault, not yours. They need to change, you don't. Has this kind of thing ever cross your mind?

I need several days to settle my heart and mind from that case since it's hard sometimes to admit that the problem is not actually 'the' problem if you know what the REAL problem is, (in this case) which is YOURSELF.

Days pass by, I guess it's true that time could heal a lot of things, especially heart condition.

At night before I slept, sitting on my bed, looking up, smiling, telling my Creator this :

• Thank you... Thank you for bringing those memories back to me. Thank you for making me realize my problem through my history. Thank you for letting me experienced this. Thank you for using my mom to spoke the words I need to hear. She's the only one that has that kind of patient for telling me the truth everyday. Thank you for the wisdom that you gave to her, a wisdom which I failed to grasp because of my ego. 
• Then Lord, teach me. Back to basic again. Since I know what you required of me, to act justly, love mercy, and walk HUMBLY with You. (Micah 6:8). I'm sorry. And thank you. 

Oh this heart is really thankful for everything because of Him. How His mercy for me never comes to an end. Even I fail Him everyday, He never fails me. 

Weeks after, I met with one of the people that I used to criticized over and over when I talked to my mom on the phone. We talked for quite a while and when it almost end, I said this sentence : 

• I am sorry for all these time, I guess I became difficult towards you. Thank you for being patient with me. I always hope you change. I know you sensed my willingness, right?  So I keep pushing you. But on the contrary, whether you realized it or not, I am the one that changed because of you, in a better way indeed. So thank you and let me say this at least : you have everything you need to become whoever you want to be, just the way you are. 

He looked at me, surprised, not saying anything, just nodded his head.

At the same day, at night, he texted me. He said, 'Thank you for trusting me. I was so touched and happy by the words you said before. It means a lot to me. I will never forget it forever. I'm gonna be a better person. Thank you ya Cin'.

This made me realize about the biggest weapon if you want other to change...
________________________________________

Friends, I hope you learn something here.

1. Not everyone, not everything in this world need to be changed sometimes. 

2. Don't be too focus on the negative side until you forget, there is ALWAYS positive sides too in everything.

3. Your opinion, your perspective, might not the the right one sometimes, even if you are the smartest or logical person in class, in your group, in your environment. Good doesn't always means right.

4. And this, my biggest lesson : WHEN YOU RESPECT SOMEONE, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO CLOSEST TO YOU, THE 1ST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS ACCEPT THEM,  BY WHATEVER AND WHOEVER THEY ARE.

Like I said, I was and am a perfectionist (Just in different level now,ahhahaha). When I was sitting in primary, the teacher gave me a homework to draw something on the computer. I wasn't good in drawing but I tried my best. When the picture finished, I realized in the left corner, there was a small black dot like this .

It supposed to be fine, I was sure actually noone gonna notice that. I asked my mom about the picture, she said it was fine. When I told her about the dot, she said it's nothing, she did not realize it until I told her.

However I keep staring at the computer. In my heart, I keep saying to myself, 'Ah this is not right, it's not perfect. I want that dot to be disappear. My picture looks bad because of that small dot. I can't accept it, I need to fix it'.

Then I started look for the erase button. On the top left corner, there was this white square button that I thought it was an eraser, so I clicked it. Then there was a box came up with the sentence and since I couldn't understand it, I clicked no. You know what happen next, all my drawing suddenly gone. In 1 second, it's gone. I was like 'whaaaaaatttt? where did it go?'.

Hours after trying to find my picture, I finally realized that what I pressed was not an eraser, it's a new blank page and I clicked no when it asked me whether I wanted to save my current page or not. Now that it happened, I regret it. I regret that I got distracted by that small black dot, while actually the actual picture was absolutely fine. I was so sad until I couldn't doing anything after it.

That was my 1st lesson I got from my perfectionist character.

• Sometimes, it's a human tendency that we want everything to be perfect and beautiful to be presented in front of others. But we forget that we are not perfect. Imperfect thing never create perfect thing.

Only God alone is perfect. Only Him alone can give and create perfect things.

The good news is : HE IS FINE WITH OUR IMPERFECTNESS.

Then if He's is fine with it, who are you that you can't accept other people weakness? Who are you that you can judge others? Who are you that you can speak which one is right for other people's life? I asked and spoke these words to myself so many times at that time.

Realize this my friend, on the day when you emphasize other people's weakness or mistakes too much, you have already become arrogant and forget your position.

• Matthew 7:3-5 =  Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?..., first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Of course you can give suggestion to others, give them advice, but you can't force them to change. It's their decision. They have free will.

And if they do change, you cannot expect them to change the way you want them to be. Every person has their own way to achieve something.

That's why your happiness can't depend on others. You cannot put your happiness based on what other people's do, even the people closest to you. 

Your happiness is based on your own life's choice, NOT OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFE THAT YOU PUT INSIDE YOURS.

• Be thankful with what you are. Be content with your condition. That way, you can also have a sense of gratitude towards everyone. By doing that, despite of their negative sides, you know they do have a lot of more positive sides which only need to be stirred up.

Do not look at others with underestimating eyes, look at them with the eyes of compassion, the eyes of love, like what Jesus did to us. Not criticize their weakness, but embrace them.

I tell you a secret that I actually have already realized long time ago :

OUR IMPERFECTION IS A PERFECT THING IN GOD'S EYES. WHY? BECAUSE HE HAS GIVEN US A PERFECT GIFT, CALLED CHRIST, THE SALVATION. THAT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EXCHANGE THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED. 

WORLD AND HEAVEN COLLIDED, RESULTING THE BIGGEST MIRACLE AMONG ALL.

HOW IMPERFECT THING HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME PERFECT AGAIN, ON HIS TIME. THAT'S WHY I CAN SAY PROUDLY, NOTHING CAN SEPARATE ME FROM THE LOVE OF CHRIST. HE HAS BOUND ME WITH HIS AMAZING GRACE.

• THEREFORE, WHENEVER I SEE OTHER HUMAN BEING NOW, I LEARN TO HAVE HIS EYES IN ME. WHAT I SEE FROM THEIR IMPERFECTION IS A PERFECT CREATION FROM GOD'S ETERNAL LOVE, THAT MAKES IT PERFECT IN EVERY SINGLE WAY.

That secret also conclude 1 thing : LOVE NEVER FAILS.. (1 Corinthians 13:8)

• THE BIGGEST WEAPON IF YOU WANT THE ONE YOU LOVE, RESPECT OR CLOSE TO YOU TO CHANGE IS LOVE. LOVE HAS ITS OWN WAY TO GO TO PEOPLE'S HEART. LOVE IS THE KEY. 

• LOVE THAT EMBRACES BY ACCEPTING PEOPLE. 

• LOVE IS NOT ABOUT PUSHING PEOPLE.

• LOVE IS ABOUT GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT. 

• AND LOVE IS PATIENT, IT DOES NOT INSIST ITS OWN WAY. IT GIVES HOPE AND STRENGTH TO ENDURE ALL THINGS.

That kind of Love changed me.. ONCE AND FOREVER..

I am here, writing all these encouragement words, not to criticize you.. Not to show you I am smart enough to realize my mistake and change.. NO.. NOT AT ALL.. On the contrary, by telling you all these stories, you can see that until now, I am still an imperfect human being who has so many weaknesses in every area in my life..

However, it doesn't stop me to give all the praise and honor unto Thee.. My experience is one of the channels that I can use to glorify Him.. 

Because of Him, I can overcome my own negativity..

Thus, I want to invite you to learn together.. Let's strive on to be better and better each day.. Let this story becomes our life's reminder.. And let's turn the difficulties in your life into a song of worship towards our Creator.. Forever will be, He is good.. 

• Celebrate the differences
• Cherish others
• Remember your position.. You are not any better than others..

Lastly, try to ask this question to yourself and reflect from it :

- IF ALL PERSON IN THIS UNIVERSE IS LIKE YOU, WILL IT BE A BETTER WORLD?

Regards, Cindy