Differences?

4 April 2014

Hi everyone.. How are you? How's your March? It's almost April now, geez! Time flies really fast..

At the moment, it is Autumn in Sydney. Not that hot anymore, and not that cold YET.. Sometimes it's raining so hard though, like yesterday.. The weather is just unbelievable here.. Some said it's like you live in a city that has 4 season in a day! What season is it now in Surabaya? Is it raining?... Hhhh, I miss Indo :(

As you know from my previous post, I moved to a new apartment. It took me around 1 week to unpack, organize, and put everything in the right place. So glad it's settled now! :)

Ok.. Done with the introduction, let's start the real post now..
______________________________________________

As my opening post,

The stories happened a long time ago. The moral point came to me ONCE, but I almost forget it again. Then out of nowhere, I was being reminded again recently..

I considered myself as a perfectionist in some areas like work, school, people, etc.

Becoming perfectionist, there is a positive and negative side on it. Perhaps the positive is whatever task you give to that person, it will be done in a really proper and professional way. On the contrary, the negative is when it is supposed to be a team-work, it's hard to trust other. I need to double check it with my own eyes and most times, I can think that it's supposed to be done exactly like the way I want it since my way is 100% the best.

It happened when I was in high school. When it comes to group tasks, it's always me and this great friend of mine. Whatever it is, I enjoyed myself being the one in charge. So I gave her order to do it like this and that, worse, sometimes I want to handle that assignment myself and give her a super easy job like printing. Yes, printing only. I did everything and I like it being that way.

When the score came out, it's always 90 and above. I am super proud of it, being praised by many teachers, adored by so many friends, numerous people want to be in the same group as mine because everything is organized, getting the highest score in class, WOW! For my individual task or exam, I always get a high score too. She only got 70.. I started to tease her, harshly joking "Kamu cuma bisanya nge-print, enak kan 1 group sama aku nilaimu naik semua, jadi membantu nilai-nilai kamu yang lain".

Believe it or not, I had that side of me.

I went to Sydney to continue my study and she enrolled to one of the best university in Surabaya.

Then, she told me me something that made me really surprise, or you can say, shocked!

She got 99% in her exams, most times - without really studying seriously. She only studied 1 day prior her exam, also she studied while watching korean drama. Oh come on??? And in the middle of that, she could text me.. I was the one that keep saying to her you need to study. But how come the score is so high? (Notes : No cheating at all).

Not only that, she also had 3++ something as her IPK (Indeks prestasi-I don't know what you called it in English lol). Her group tasks got the highest mark from the teacher. She also got A in her individual assignment.

Are you kidding me?

When she shared her happiness to me, I answered "Congratzzz!!! You're amazing.. But how can you never show me that kind of performance when we're in high school? You could accomplish much more if you were like that too in high school."

Her answered silenced me : " Because you handled everything.. You never gave me the chance to show it".

She said again : "When we have group tasks, you only give me the task to print. You never put me in charge. When I did something, you always want to check it all first and changed it exactly like the way you want it to be, before we hand it in to the teacher."

She continued "But that's fine. I got a high score also when I was with you. Just letting you know that you need skill in printing something.. Don't underestimate the power of printing.. Therefore, you got a good score because of me too,hahahahha".

I was like "What did she just say?. I've never gave her a chance to show it? Whaaaattt?".

After we finished that conversation, happily of course, that night I started reflecting.

"Am I like that?". Then inside my heart, there was a voice said "Yes you were".

Finally I admit, "Oh my God, Yes I was".

(Noted : Till this time, we were remain good and close)
________________________________________________

End of the old stories, the beginning of the new one.

For years and years, I actually can say : I control it pretty well. I can trust other, I gave other opportunities to show me their skills, doing something with their own way.

Namun entah sejak kapan, sebenarnya sisi jelek dari perfeksionist itu perlahan-lahan kembali.

Apa yang seharusnya menjadi diskusi bersama, berakhir dengan perasaan tidak puas dalam hati jika jawaban akhir yang keluar tidak seperti yang saya perkirakan atau pikirkan.

Apa yang seharusnya dijadikan pertukaran pikiran untuk dapat mendewasakan diri, berakhir menjadi ketidak terimaan akan pola pikir orang lain yang menurut saya sama sekali tidak efficient dan tidak effective.

Apa yang seharusnya sama sekali tidak perlu dipermasalahkan, justru seakan-akan menjadi masalah terbesar yang harus diperdebatkan untuk dicari jalan keluarnya saat itu juga.

I just realized about this few months ago.

Ketika saya kesal sekali karena tidak bisa menerima pendapat atau penjelasan orang lain, I called my mom.

Saya berkata kepada beliau, "Mi, bagaimana mungkin terkadang orang bisa berpikir cara menyelesaikan masalah seperti ini adalah dengan melakukan bla bla bla... Cara seperti itu sungguh memakan waktu yang lama dan hampir tidak mungkin berhasil. Seharusnya seperti ini bla bla bla.. Benar kan mi pikiran saya? Kan harusnya seperti itu? Cepat dan pasti bagus nanti hasilnya."

She answered me but I guess I did not really listen to her since almost 3 times in a week (and it happened more than 1 week), at that time, I called her again and again.

Ketika saya terus mengatakan permasalahan yang sama berulang-ulang, she finally said this, perkataan yang pada akhirnya membuat saya sadar :

" Cin, jika kamu seperti ini terus, sampai 10 tahun ke depan nanti, kamu akan tetap telepon mami dengan masalah yang sama. Setiap orang itu berbeda. Mereka mengerjakan dan menyelesaikan sesuatu dengan cara yang berbeda-beda. Bahkan cara pandang tiap orang pun berbeda. Kamu tidak bisa membuat mereka semua memiliki cara kerja yang sama dengan kamu."

" Darimana kamu tahu bahwa jalan yang kamu pikirkan adalah yang terbaik? Kok bisa-bisanya kamu bilang mereka tidak sanggup menyelesaikan sesuatu hanya karena mereka menawarkan jalan keluar yang berbeda dengan yang kamu miliki? Kamu masa tahu kalau mereka sebenarnya juga mempertimbangkan banyak hal yang sebenarnya jauh lebih teliti dibanding kamu sebelum mengambil keputusan?"

 " Kamu juga harus ingat posisi kamu, Cin. Kamu itu siapa, menuntut orang untuk menjadi seperti kamu. Apakah kamu sudah sempurna? Mami ingatkan jangan sombong.. Menuntut orang menjadi sempurna, sedangkan kamu sendiri tidak sempurna". 

• "Ketika kamu menghargai seseorang, kamu seharusnya menerima mereka, bukan menuntut terlalu berlebihan dan merubah."

"Jika memang ada yang memang harus dirubah dari mereka, terutama karakter, nanti Tuhan yang akan bertindak sendiri. Yang bisa mengubahkan orang hanya Tuhan, Cin. Tuhan punya caraNya sendiri. Kalau kamu menuntut mereka terus sekarang, dengan kata lain kamu tidak percaya dong kalau Tuhan bisa membuat mereka menjadi lebih baik? Yang terbaik menurut kamu adalah dengan mereka menjadi kamu, tapi yang terbaik menurut Tuhan adalah jauh melebihi yang kamu pikirkan, dengan waktuNya yang sudah ditentukan."

Selama kurang lebih seminggu, saya bergumul dalam segala nasehat yang mami berikan. Tiap malam sebelum tidur, saya menyisihkan waktu yang lebih lama dari biasanya untuk merenungkan hal tersebut. I closed my eyes, praying, talking to my God alone inside my heart.

Asking " All this time, the same thing keep happening, same difficulties, is it because of me? The problem itself, is it actually me? Benarkah selama ini, saya menjadi lupa diri?".

Hari demi hari, saya menanyakan hal yang sama dan tidak ada jawaban.

Hingga mendekati hari terakhir di minggu tersebut, saya mendapatkan sebuah REMA.

Ketika saya duduk diam di atas tempat tidur, story between me and my friend that I told you in the beginning of this post popped back out of nowhere. Ingatan itu semua kembali dengan jelas, dan saya bertanya kepada diri sendiri, "Ah, why this memory again?..

Minutes after that, this heart knew that what happens to me, had already happened to me ONCE, LONG TIME AGO.. It's just different people in different time.

Then it became clear.. ONCE AGAIN, THE PROBLEM WAS ME..
_____________________________________________

Has the same story ever happened to you too?

When you forgot your position, not looking to yourself but focus on other people too much.. Thinking that you are the smartest and greatest for everything. If anything goes wrong, it's other people's fault, not yours. They need to change, you don't. Has this kind of thing ever cross your mind?

I need several days to settle my heart and mind from that case since it's hard sometimes to admit that the problem is not actually 'the' problem if you know what the REAL problem is, (in this case) which is YOURSELF.

Days pass by, I guess it's true that time could heal a lot of things, especially heart condition.

At night before I slept, sitting on my bed, looking up, smiling, telling my Creator this :

• Thank you... Thank you for bringing those memories back to me. Thank you for making me realize my problem through my history. Thank you for letting me experienced this. Thank you for using my mom to spoke the words I need to hear. She's the only one that has that kind of patient for telling me the truth everyday. Thank you for the wisdom that you gave to her, a wisdom which I failed to grasp because of my ego. 
• Then Lord, teach me. Back to basic again. Since I know what you required of me, to act justly, love mercy, and walk HUMBLY with You. (Micah 6:8). I'm sorry. And thank you. 

Oh this heart is really thankful for everything because of Him. How His mercy for me never comes to an end. Even I fail Him everyday, He never fails me. 

Weeks after, I met with one of the people that I used to criticized over and over when I talked to my mom on the phone. We talked for quite a while and when it almost end, I said this sentence : 

• I am sorry for all these time, I guess I became difficult towards you. Thank you for being patient with me. I always hope you change. I know you sensed my willingness, right?  So I keep pushing you. But on the contrary, whether you realized it or not, I am the one that changed because of you, in a better way indeed. So thank you and let me say this at least : you have everything you need to become whoever you want to be, just the way you are. 

He looked at me, surprised, not saying anything, just nodded his head.

At the same day, at night, he texted me. He said, 'Thank you for trusting me. I was so touched and happy by the words you said before. It means a lot to me. I will never forget it forever. I'm gonna be a better person. Thank you ya Cin'.

This made me realize about the biggest weapon if you want other to change...
________________________________________

Friends, I hope you learn something here.

1. Not everyone, not everything in this world need to be changed sometimes. 

2. Don't be too focus on the negative side until you forget, there is ALWAYS positive sides too in everything.

3. Your opinion, your perspective, might not the the right one sometimes, even if you are the smartest or logical person in class, in your group, in your environment. Good doesn't always means right.

4. And this, my biggest lesson : WHEN YOU RESPECT SOMEONE, ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO CLOSEST TO YOU, THE 1ST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS ACCEPT THEM,  BY WHATEVER AND WHOEVER THEY ARE.

Like I said, I was and am a perfectionist (Just in different level now,ahhahaha). When I was sitting in primary, the teacher gave me a homework to draw something on the computer. I wasn't good in drawing but I tried my best. When the picture finished, I realized in the left corner, there was a small black dot like this .

It supposed to be fine, I was sure actually noone gonna notice that. I asked my mom about the picture, she said it was fine. When I told her about the dot, she said it's nothing, she did not realize it until I told her.

However I keep staring at the computer. In my heart, I keep saying to myself, 'Ah this is not right, it's not perfect. I want that dot to be disappear. My picture looks bad because of that small dot. I can't accept it, I need to fix it'.

Then I started look for the erase button. On the top left corner, there was this white square button that I thought it was an eraser, so I clicked it. Then there was a box came up with the sentence and since I couldn't understand it, I clicked no. You know what happen next, all my drawing suddenly gone. In 1 second, it's gone. I was like 'whaaaaaatttt? where did it go?'.

Hours after trying to find my picture, I finally realized that what I pressed was not an eraser, it's a new blank page and I clicked no when it asked me whether I wanted to save my current page or not. Now that it happened, I regret it. I regret that I got distracted by that small black dot, while actually the actual picture was absolutely fine. I was so sad until I couldn't doing anything after it.

That was my 1st lesson I got from my perfectionist character.

• Sometimes, it's a human tendency that we want everything to be perfect and beautiful to be presented in front of others. But we forget that we are not perfect. Imperfect thing never create perfect thing.

Only God alone is perfect. Only Him alone can give and create perfect things.

The good news is : HE IS FINE WITH OUR IMPERFECTNESS.

Then if He's is fine with it, who are you that you can't accept other people weakness? Who are you that you can judge others? Who are you that you can speak which one is right for other people's life? I asked and spoke these words to myself so many times at that time.

Realize this my friend, on the day when you emphasize other people's weakness or mistakes too much, you have already become arrogant and forget your position.

• Matthew 7:3-5 =  Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?..., first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Of course you can give suggestion to others, give them advice, but you can't force them to change. It's their decision. They have free will.

And if they do change, you cannot expect them to change the way you want them to be. Every person has their own way to achieve something.

That's why your happiness can't depend on others. You cannot put your happiness based on what other people's do, even the people closest to you. 

Your happiness is based on your own life's choice, NOT OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFE THAT YOU PUT INSIDE YOURS.

• Be thankful with what you are. Be content with your condition. That way, you can also have a sense of gratitude towards everyone. By doing that, despite of their negative sides, you know they do have a lot of more positive sides which only need to be stirred up.

Do not look at others with underestimating eyes, look at them with the eyes of compassion, the eyes of love, like what Jesus did to us. Not criticize their weakness, but embrace them.

I tell you a secret that I actually have already realized long time ago :

OUR IMPERFECTION IS A PERFECT THING IN GOD'S EYES. WHY? BECAUSE HE HAS GIVEN US A PERFECT GIFT, CALLED CHRIST, THE SALVATION. THAT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EXCHANGE THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED. 

WORLD AND HEAVEN COLLIDED, RESULTING THE BIGGEST MIRACLE AMONG ALL.

HOW IMPERFECT THING HAS THE OPPORTUNITY TO BECOME PERFECT AGAIN, ON HIS TIME. THAT'S WHY I CAN SAY PROUDLY, NOTHING CAN SEPARATE ME FROM THE LOVE OF CHRIST. HE HAS BOUND ME WITH HIS AMAZING GRACE.

• THEREFORE, WHENEVER I SEE OTHER HUMAN BEING NOW, I LEARN TO HAVE HIS EYES IN ME. WHAT I SEE FROM THEIR IMPERFECTION IS A PERFECT CREATION FROM GOD'S ETERNAL LOVE, THAT MAKES IT PERFECT IN EVERY SINGLE WAY.

That secret also conclude 1 thing : LOVE NEVER FAILS.. (1 Corinthians 13:8)

• THE BIGGEST WEAPON IF YOU WANT THE ONE YOU LOVE, RESPECT OR CLOSE TO YOU TO CHANGE IS LOVE. LOVE HAS ITS OWN WAY TO GO TO PEOPLE'S HEART. LOVE IS THE KEY. 

• LOVE THAT EMBRACES BY ACCEPTING PEOPLE. 

• LOVE IS NOT ABOUT PUSHING PEOPLE.

• LOVE IS ABOUT GIVING ENCOURAGEMENT AND SUPPORT. 

• AND LOVE IS PATIENT, IT DOES NOT INSIST ITS OWN WAY. IT GIVES HOPE AND STRENGTH TO ENDURE ALL THINGS.

That kind of Love changed me.. ONCE AND FOREVER..

I am here, writing all these encouragement words, not to criticize you.. Not to show you I am smart enough to realize my mistake and change.. NO.. NOT AT ALL.. On the contrary, by telling you all these stories, you can see that until now, I am still an imperfect human being who has so many weaknesses in every area in my life..

However, it doesn't stop me to give all the praise and honor unto Thee.. My experience is one of the channels that I can use to glorify Him.. 

Because of Him, I can overcome my own negativity..

Thus, I want to invite you to learn together.. Let's strive on to be better and better each day.. Let this story becomes our life's reminder.. And let's turn the difficulties in your life into a song of worship towards our Creator.. Forever will be, He is good.. 

• Celebrate the differences
• Cherish others
• Remember your position.. You are not any better than others..

Lastly, try to ask this question to yourself and reflect from it :

- IF ALL PERSON IN THIS UNIVERSE IS LIKE YOU, WILL IT BE A BETTER WORLD?

Regards, Cindy

Easter'14

1 John 3:16 = “For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life”.

When I was a kid, I wondered what love is and how to love.. For years, I tried to find the answer, but what I found is making me disappointed and hurted..

The world gave me the answer by showing me a selfish love, a love that full of ego and self-advantages. This heart knew it was not right but how to find the right one? I asked myself.. I don’t have a clue..

Until, there was A TIME, when I LOOKED UP.. To the Creator..

At that time, finally I found A SPARK which led me to the right answer..

YES, it’s only need A SPARK.. ONE LIGHT can that make you believe that TRUE LOVE is still exist in this world..

I called that light : A HOPE FOR HUMANITY WHO WAS NAMED JESUS CHRIST.. THE AUTHOR OF LOVE.. THE BEGINNING AND THE END..

Once, I was an unbeliever.. Now, after knowing and experiencing myself that LOVE which HE has given to me, AS A GIFT, I become an absolute believer..

Brothers and sisters, in this Easter, let us REMINISCE about His love for us..

What a perfect example of LOVE : when we were still sinners, He died for us..

Bringing those examples, let us, hand in hand together, showing to the world that they can embrace HIS endless love also..

Let the whole world know this...

           

         CROSS = LOVE

• CALVARY HAS COVERED IT ALL.. THE SALVATION IS COMPLETE.. 

• OUR SINS HAD BEEN FORGIVEN.. OUR SHAMED HAD BEEN ERASED.. THAT CROSS IN THE CALVARY GAVE NEW BEGINNING FOR HUMANITY..

• NOT EVEN A POWER IN THIS EARTH, TROUBLES IN THIS LIFE, NOT EVEN THE GRAVE, CAN SEPARATE US FROM HIS MERCY AND GRACE..

Since in the end, love is not mere words.

It’s not a feeling that can come and go easily.

It’s not afraid of risks since love has courage to overcome every challenges that this life offers.

LOVE IS A DARE.

It’s AN ACTION that needs to be presented beautifully since love is pure.

It does not look for self-advantages or has selfish motive behind it.

Then, believers, let’s teach others the way to love like what Jesus did to us.

Let His love firstly dwells within you, that it can shine from your life.

So in the end, all glory and honour will go back to HIM.

Praise be to CHRIST alone, 

THE CORNERSTONE.

1 John 4:19 = WE LOVE BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED US.

I am still in the process of learning and practicing the right way to apply His love principles in my life. 

I did so many mistakes that made me feel guilty and shamed almost everyday.

But thank God and thank you people! Especially to all of you who close to me.

Because of your unending support, advices, and encouragement, until this time, I am still able to stand here, striving to be better and better each day.

Therefore, for you who want to start learning about His love now, I guarantee that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I am still on my way too, perhaps one day, we will meet in the middle of our journey, sharing each other stories about how His love changed us from the inside out.

And please remember that YOU ARE LOVED.. Whoever, wherever, and whenever you are.

GOD IS GOOD.. ALWAYS..  

Ps : This old video is a perfect example of Father's Love.. Happy Easter everyone! :)

Regards, Cindy

An Old Man and His Happiness

Months ago....

Randomly, I searched some good short stories that can inspired me..

I found this......
_____________________

An old man lived in the village.

He was one of the most unfortunate people in the world. The whole village was tired of him, he was always gloomy, constantly complained and always in a bad mood. 

The longer he lived, the more bile was becoming and the more poisonous were his words. People avoided him, because his misfortune became contagious. It was even unnaturally and insulting to be happy next to him. 

He created the feeling of unhappiness in others.

But one day, when he got eighty years old, an incredible thing happened.

Instantly everyone heard the rumor : "An old man is happy today, he doesn't complain anything, smiles, and even his face is freshened up". The whole village gathered. 

An old man was asked : 
- What happened to you?

He answered : 
- Nothing special. Eighty years I've been chasing happiness, and it was useless. Then I decided to live without happiness and just enjoy life. That's why I'm happy. 

THE END.

• BE GRATEFUL AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE AT THIS VERY MOMENT. 
• YOU ARE BLESSED, CAN'T YOU SEE?

* Ecclesiastes 3 : 13 = And also that every man should eat and drink and enjoy the good of all his labor—it is the gift of God.

Regards, Cindy

Greeting!

Hi everyone! How are you?? How's your first 3 months of 2014 so far? Is it great?

It's been a while since my last post before I went on my holiday in Indonesia. 

Therefore, from this post, I actually only want to greet you and share a few stories about my holiday in Surabaya for about 3 weeks.. Enjoy!

1. Maybe some of you can guess it already. Whenever I came home, I will make sure to change this 1 thing : HAIR. Hahahah.. Yap, I changed it again. This time is quite different than the usual. I cut my hair short! Finally, after begging and begging for years and years to my mom, even she didn't say a 'real' yes, she let me tried the haircut that I always want.. But of course, with her sad face watching me every second when the hairdresser cut my hair.. LOL.. This was the 1st change which I did in my 2014. Overall, I LOVE IT!! When it finished, I was so happy!! Finally after so many years, I have a short hair again.. The feeling is just different when you have a big change in haircut, isn't it? I couldn't stop smiling that day.. It was so comfy for me,hhehehehe.. And the next few days, I curled my hair permanently so it could be a little bit wavy..

I don't really have the picture from the front, but I can show you how it looks like from the back :

2. I enjoyed my holiday a lot in Surabaya, spending with beloved ones.. It ate lots of foods, especially these 2 : Ikan Gurami Goreng Cianjur and Top Noodle.. I ate it more than 2 times and I still couldn't get enough of them,hahahhaha.. Holiday spirit was here (WOOT!).

Until the day when I get HOSPITALIZED because of stomach infection and food poisoning, again.. This thing always happens to me in the end or beginning of the year.. It's already 2 times in 2 year in a row (2013&2014) (T_T)..

The beginning of the story was when I went to Pasar Atom.. There were plastic bottles contained chocolate milk inside that I always like, since elementary school.. It's the kind of milk that people always sell in front of school.. Everytime I went home to Surabaya, I always buy it and there is no problem with it.. But this time, I didn't know why, I felt strange when I drank it in the morning. In the evening, around 6PM, I felt so dizzy already and felt that something wrong, when I was in the mall.. I tried to call/whatsapp my mom so many times but there was no signal in the building..

When I walked to the parking area, I couldn't hold it anymore and I was throwing up behind the car.. At the same time, my mom received my message and called me.. I couldn't even speak and made her even more panic,hahahahhahaha.. She only heard the 'throwing up' voice from my phone,LOL.. Straight away I went to the hospital, injected by 3 medicines to kill the bacteria inside it and went home..

However, it did not stop.. My mom bought me porridge to eat at home, but I just couldn't eat anything.. I puked a lot, felt like I will collapse soon.. Quickly, my mom brought me back to hospital, the nurse injected another medicine, and saying that I need to be infused since I couldn't eat at all..

At the end, I stayed in the hospital for 3 nights and changed my flight ticket, postponed it around 1 week like what the doctor said.. He warned me to be careful next time because maybe, my stomach is not quite strong to handle all kinds of food and drinks..

I thank God, my family (especially momma), and friends who's be there for me and always bringing so many foods when visiting,hahhaha :) Thank you all! 

The fact is : Sadly, even I still want it, my mom won't allow me to buy it again forever and ever.. I need to say good bye to this fave choco milk of mine (Huhu)...

3. I arrived in Sydnet at 9PM and the next day I worked straight away.. Holiday is over so serious mode is on again,hehehhe.. There are numerous things that I have to taken care of, one of them is MOVING to new apartment.. I need to inspect the new building, check the paperwork, discuss and sign the contract, buy some furnitures, etc. Start from the day I came back till today, I focused on this moving process..

Me and my flatmates still need to organize few more furnitures.. We still work on our schedule to sort out other things.. My room itself still hasn't completed yet.. However, thank God, thank you for some friends that help also, 1st of March, we were able to start living in this new place.. 

One lesson : MOVING IS HARD.. (LOL)

Be grateful if you have a place that you can call HOUSE, or better : HOME..

* That's it for now.. This week and the next one will be very busy for me.. But I will try to post something.. :)

Take care of your health ya everyone :) Have a great day and week!

Regards, Cindy

2013

I attached a music video here.. Listen while reading,ok? :)

-1st January 2014-

At night, I sat down on my chair, facing my laptop.. Smiling and mumble to myself, "It's 2014 already, how quick".. Then, of course, I did my flashback of 2013..

I wondered, what it meant to me..

Those memories came.. Memories of happiness, sadness, ups, and downs.. All dreams that are still on the way..

What I remember the most are the times when I cried in my own bedroom here..

I remember I cried when I was disappointed with some people.. I remember I cried if I felt this life's just too overwhelmed sometimes.. I remember I cried when I was confuse and didn't know what to do next.. And I remember I cried because of all my wrong-doings, failures, and faults that gave griefs to The Lord and people that I love..

This heart is really fragile in some areas..

In so many ways, I am far from perfect.. In all ways, I have countless flaws and weaknesses..

Regret always comes late, followed by guilty. Even I said sorry to someone if I did some mistakes, I knew I couldn’t take back what I just said or did to that person or to Him.. 

Human is just weak, so am I.. 

When I said I want to change, I want to change, I’m not gonna do the same mistake again.. But the next day, what happen is just another disappointment for The Lord and people that I treasure.. I said the words only to be denied tomorrow by myself.. Again and again..

I feel hurt when people who close to me did it, when they say they want to change, but they didn't.. I forgot, that for several times, I did exactly like that also to them..

More regret and undeserved feeling came.. Saying to myself “I’m a fool, I’m a fool”.

Trapped with self-condemnation.. Even if/when He or others forgave me, I still couldn’t accept it.. I couldn’t believe it.. I expect some punishment, not mercy.. I deserve anger, not patience.. 

At that moment, I realized forgiving ourselves for doing something wrong can become more difficult than forgiving others..

Keep saying sorry in my heart all day long, praying and kneeling down - begging for forgiveness for hours and hours.. Forgetting that He already knew what mistake I will do in moments ahead before I knew it..

If there is a sentence that conclude my 2013, it will be this :

• It’s the year of How The Lord LAVISHED His Goodness in my life.. How He poured out such mercy and grace that I didn’t deserve at all.. Makes me stand in awe for His wondrously deeds..

When I asked who am I that You’ve been so good? He answered ‘You are the apple of My eyes’. (Deutronomy 32:10)

When I asked who am I that You love me? He answered ‘A daughter and I will be A Father to you’. (2 Corinthians 6:18)

When I said I’m a fool, a failure from the start. He said back ‘No, in all these things, you’re more than a winner, through Christ. If anyone in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone’. (Romans 8:37 ; 2 Corinthians 5:17)

When I asked how come such grace’s been given to me? He answered ‘It’s a gift. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD’. ( Ephesians 2:8)

When I answered back that I didn’t deserve it, He said “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinner to repentance’. (Luke 5:32)

When I almost walk away because of self condemnation, because I thought my sins are way too many and big already, He PULLED ME BACK and said, ‘Hear these words clearly for you have read it :  

• “ Who then will condemn you? No one—for Christ Jesus died for you and was raised to life for you, and He is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for you. Can anything ever separate you from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves you if you have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? I am convinced that NOTHING can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither your fears for today nor your worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate you from God’s love. 

• No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate you from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:34-39)

• Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; YOU ARE MINE! "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. "For I am the LORD your God, The Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOR.. (Isaiah 43:1B-3A)

• Even though you walk through the darkest valley, you will fear no evil, for I am with you; My rod and staff, they will comfort you. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. I have you in the palms of My hands”. (Psalm 23:4 ; Deuteronomy 31:6 ; Isaiah 49:16A)

I burst into tears.. In awe of how such goodness is still exist for a sinner like me? How come there is such love for me? 

HIS GRACE ABOUNDS TO ME.. In every situation, in every circumstances, in every part of my life.. His grace is there.. Giving me more than enough encouragement reminder..

" You can do everything through Christ that give you strength.. Where sin increased, God's grace increased much more. Therefore, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness " (Philippians 4:13 ; Romans 5:20 ; 2 Corinthians 12:9)

I started to realize again, that my difficulties were nothing compare to God's given grace..

When I looked again at that grace, what I remember first was my history, a mark from God.. How I knew that HIS grace is the one that bringing me here.. If God, made me able to pass those difficult challenges ONCE, the SAME GOD will also make me able to do it again TODAY..

I am able to live an overcomer life is because His grace always there for me..

Even in my darkest hours, His grace has Its own way to find its place in my heart..

- I thought, there will be a time soon when His grace and mercy will disappear from my life.. I thought, there will be a time when He will grow tired of my continuously transgression and then leave me..

Yet, what happen is just the opposite.. HIS GRACE AND MERCY NEVER STOP.. HIS LOVE IS UNENDING..

HE SETTLED MY MATTERS, MY WRONG DOINGS.. HE WASHED ME AGAIN, CLEANED AS SNOW.. (Isaiah 1:8)

I stopped for a few minutes.. Wiped my tears.. Smiling, saying ‘Then bear with me, be with me, just be with me.. It’s okay if you are quiet as long as you there, it’s enough.. Never take Your presence from me, stay here, just stay.’. A simple replied that once again, made me able to look up and raise : ‘Always, to the very end of the age.....’ (Matthew 28:20B)

Everything that happened TO me in 2013, it is happened FOR me as part of His divine plan in my 2014..

• SLOWLY BUT SURE, I REALIZE THAT OBSTACLES OCCUR, DIFFICULTIES COME, AND UNEXPECTED SITUATION ARISE, ARE ONLY TO SERVE 1 GLORIOUS REASONS.. TO SHOW ME, THAT HE WILL NEVER LEAVE ME.. NOT FOR A MOMENT HE FORSAKES ME..

• THEN IF HE STAYS, IF MY CREATOR NOT EVEN ONCE GIVE UP ON ME.. ME TOO, DON'T HAVE ANY REASONS TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF..

• LIFE GOES ON, WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT.. THEN I WILL GET UP AGAIN WHEN I FALL DOWN.. FOCUS AND PRESS ON TOWARDS MY BRIGHT FUTURE.. BRINGING HIS COVENANT IN MY LIFE AND KNOWING EVERYTHING WILL BE JUST FINE AS LONG AS I CLING TO HIS GRACE..

Praise be to God always that give me a 2nd chance in this 2014.. Afterall, New Year is also about new opportunities and chances in so many areas right?

My friends, I want to remind you that GOD IS GOOD, WHATEVER IT IS, HE IS GOOD..

IN EVERY TEAR, IN EVERY HURTFUL SITUATION, IN EVERY DISAPPOINTMENT, IN EVERY STEP, IN EVERY DECISION, IN EVERY PRAYER, AT MY WORST, WHEN MY WORLD FEELS LIKE FALLS APART : HE IS GOOD AND WILL ALWAYS BE GOOD..

I don't know what difficulties you're going through now, how bad your heartache is.. To say I understand, it's gonna be a lie, since I don't.. Even in my life, I don't understand a lot of things.. I often ask so many questions to God and He did not answered or showing any signs of answer..

THEN I STARTED TO REALIZE, NOT EVERY QUESTION HAS AN ANSWER OR NEED TO BE ANSWERED.. THERE IS A TIME THAT YOU JUST NEED TO ACCEPT HOW THINGS HAPPEN OR TURN OUT IN YOUR LIFE.. WITH FAITH, THAT GOD HAS HIS OWN AMAZING PURPOSE WHY HE LET YOU EXPERIENCED IT..

AND IF, IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE, REMEMBER THIS WORDS, WORDS THAT I SAY TO MY SELF SO MANY TIMES :

• DIDN'T I (YOU) STILL SURVIVE IN SPITE OF THE NEGATIVE THINGS OR EVENTS IN MY LIFE?

FOR ME, THAT'S THE ANSWER.. AS LONG AS I'M ALIVE, AS LONG AS I STILL CAN WAKE UP IN THE NEXT MORNING, I KNOW OPPORTUNITIES FOR ME TO BECOME BETTER STILL EXIST.. I KNOW HE IS STILL ABLE TO TURN MY SITUATION AROUND..

I KNOW HE IS FOR ME, NOT AGAINST ME..

I KNOW THAT MY SAVIOR IS CONSTANT.. HE IS FAITHFUL.. HE IS ONLY GOOD AND WILL NOT HOLD GOOD THINGS TO FALL UPON ME.. FOR HE MAKES EVERYTHING BEAUTIFUL IN ITS TIME.. HE IS SOVEREIGN.. (Psalm 84:11B ; Ecclesiaster 3:11)

THOSE ASSURANCES, MAKE ME ABLE TO LIVE THIS LIFE TO THE FULLEST.. AND MAKE ABLE TO SAY ALWAYS : WHATEVER IT IS, GOD IS GOOD..

To tell you His goodness in my life, this post or my life itself will never be enough.. Whatever happened in 2013, let it stayed there, as a MEMORIES..

• EVERYTHING CAN CHANGE, BUT MEMORIES STAY.. LET IT STAY THERE IN YOUR HEART.. LET IT BECOME YOUR HISTORY THAT MAKE YOU WHAT/WHO YOU ARE TODAY.. WHEN THERE IS A HISTORY, THERE IS A PRESENT ALSO.. HISTORY IS PAST, IT'S OVER.. BUT PRESENT IS WHAT CREATES YOUR FUTURE.. IT'S EVERYTHING.. 

• THEREFORE, PRESS ON IN YOUR PRESENT LIFE.. GO TOWARDS THE LIFE THAT YOU'VE BEEN IMAGINED.. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.. BUILD A KINGDOM OF YOURS TO GLORIFY THE KINGDOM OF GOD..

LET'S FIGHT A GOOD FIGHT AND FINISH THE RACE WELL.. THOSE WORDS ABOVE THAT HE SAID TO ME, IT'S FOR YOU AS WELL.. IF GOD IS WITH US, WHO CAN STAND AGAINST US? VICTORY MY FRIENDS, VICTORY IS OURS FROM THE START, DON'T LET THE WORLD STEAL IT..

• I WILL MAKE SURE I WILL ACHIEVE MY DREAMS.. BEING CONFIDENT WITH THIS, THAT HE WHO BEGAN A GOOD WORK IN ME, WILL CONTINUE HIS WORKS UNTIL IT IS FINALLY FINISHED ON THE DAY WHEN CHRIST JESUS RETURNS.. (PHILIPPIANS 1:6)

I can't wait to hear your great stories and share mine with you face to face about how amazing this life be with Him by my side.. He's gonna be my 1st always.. Knowing that you're not alone in this world my friends.. We are on the same side, just different place and time.. 

Regards, Cindy
-Thanks for being with me in my 2013..  XoXo..


Ps : Finally, I'm going for my holiday.. Will update again when I come back :)

Road to 2014

Hulaaaaa everyoneee!!!! First of all, I wanna say : MERRY CHRISTMAS 2013 AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!!!!!!!!!!!! I BELIEVE THIS YEAR GONNA BE MORE AMAZING THAN THE PREVIOUS ONE!! WUHUUUU!! So excited!! 2ndly, I want to apologize for saying it quite late.. T-T (but better 'a little bit' late than not at all, right? Hahhahahah..)

Anyway, how's your Christmas?? How's your New Year??? I bet it's super awesome yaaa.. I saw a lot of wonderful pictures for C'Mas and New Year from facebook and Instagram.. Especially for SurabayaN people, I was so jealous of you.. Hehe.. My family is in Surabaya, they all gathered for dinner and I'm the only one missed (since I was in Sydney).. How I actually really want to spend these wonderful occasions with them.. Huhuhuuhu..

I supposed to write this post earlier, but because I got so tired lately (since Christmas till New Year) due to my work's schedule (it's a holiday season so it's really busy in my workplace), finally I decided to postpone these stories that I want to write now..

I'm gonna divide it into 3 parts :

1. IT'S CHRISTMAS! (25th December)
2. BOXING DAY.. (26 December)
3. SYDNEY'S NEW YEAR 2014!

Why? Because IT IS MY 1ST TIME CELEBRATING THOSE GREAT EVENTS HERE IN SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA AFTER ALMOST 5 YEARS STAYING IN THIS CITY!! Therefore, they're really special to me and I want to share my happiness with all of you :) 

Let's start now!

1. IT'S CHRISTMAS

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR WAS HERE FINALLY!! I am so excited.. This is my 1st time celebrating in Ausie.. Biasanya, saya selalu pulang ke Surabaya sekitar pertengahan December-January.. Untuk pertama kalinya juga saya tidak melihat perayaan Natal yang diselenggarakan my Home Church, Mawar Sharon.. How was it?? I saw the preparation's picture of the event from Instagram.. It's a big one, titled ALL HEAVEN DECLARES LOVE..

I went to Hillsong on Christmas Day.. They have an event there also, full of praise and worship.. It was awesome! I said Merry Christmas kepada orang-orang yang duduk di sekitar saya.. When I met my friends, saya mengucapkan kata-kata itu lebih bersemangat lagi,hahhahaha.. I was so happy! All day long I couldn't stop smiling and keep saying 'OH MY GOD, IT'S CHRISTMAS. AND I CELEBRATE IT IN SYDNEY. LALALLA!!'. They made really big tall Christmas tree in the middle of the city, with its sparkling lamp, stars, and other accessories.. In other place, they made the tree from Swarovski, so it's super super shiny..

With all my heart I give thanks to The Lord, because finally, I have the opportunities to see what Christmas looks like in Sydney.. And it was beautiful, even it's in summer,hahahaha.. Yet, on that day, it's not that hot so I'm grateful again,hihihiihih.. I miss my fam though since we always have dinner together on Christmas Day.. It's gonna be feel more wonderful if I had my family to spend C'Mas together in Sydney.. Hopefully, I can bring them all together to see it one day :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2013 EVERYONE!! I KNEW YOU HAD A GOOD ONE, RIGHT? :D

Some of my Christmas pics :

2. BOXING DAY

Some of my friends thought of it as a real boxing (tinju), but it's not.. Boxing Day disini artinya adalah dimana semua barang di sale sangat besar-besaran lebih dari biasanya, dan all shopping mall opened earlier (Some shops opened at 5AM, others at 7AM)..

I went shopping started at 10AM and it's already people everywhere.. I was so shocked!! I never experienced boxing day before and what happen it's just beyond my imagination.. There was a person that brought a suitcase and went around all the shops.. I bet the suitcase was empty,hahhahahha.. There was a long queue in each shops whether it's shoes, clother, pants, bags, accessories, etc.. You could see securities everywhere in each stores..

Tempat belanjaan yang biasanya teratur dan rapi, langsung berubah jadi seperti pasar lho guys.. Ada baju jatuh berserakan di bagian kiri, bagian kanan celana jeans.. Di bagian sepatu perempuan, tempatnya jauh lebih parah.. Tapi yang mengejutkan, section men's shirt and jeans-lah yang paling messy dari semuanya.. Hahhahahha.. Ada 1 brand yang jam 12 siang sudah habis ludes semua di tokonya, I was so shocked.. Cuma tinggal beberapa baju yang sizenya XL, 2XL, 3XL which was impossible for me,hhahahahha.. I did not really buy much (finger cross, ups!) on that day since I couldn't find my size, it was gone already.. "I should come early, next year then (if I want to come again, LOL)'.

Untung hari besoknya, saya kedapatan shift kerja yang cukup siang.. Jadi bisa mengistirahatkan badan lebih lama,hahahhaha.. I went out at 10 AM, I went back to my home at 10 PM, dan itupun masih cukup banyak tempat yang belum dimasuki sebenarnya.. 12 jam berbelanja masih belum cukup! Hahhaha.. The stores closed at 12AM.. Pada saat saya pulang, masih banyak orang yang berlari berbelanja kesana kemari.. The aftermath of this event was : my feet became so soar.. Jam 5-6an sudah cenut-cenut, tapi masih belum rela pulang,hahahhaha.. Barang bawaan udah lumayan juga, sampai berpikir tadi om-tante yang bawa koper itu bener deh, sudah pengalaman rasanya.. Hahhahaha..

Overall, it was a great experience.. Apalagi melihat tulisan merah discount dimana-mana, I was happy indeed!! Here are the pics :

3. SYDNEY'S NEW YEAR 2014!!

Save the best topic for the last.. I HAVE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE FIREWORKS.. IT WAS SIMPLY ONE OF THE BEST, OR THE BEST IN THE WORLD (at least for me since it's my city,hahahahha)!!

I finished work by 3PM, went home, and straight away getting ready again to watch the fireworks in Circular Quay (tempat Opera House dan Harbour Bridge).. It's quite late already so I did hope and hope that I still could get a good spot.. Like my prediction, tempat paling bagus yang langsung menghadap ke Opera dan Bridge-nya sudah ditutup sejak pagi karena sudah full.. But THANK GOD, there was still a spot di bagian sedikit ke pinggirnya, lebih ke arah samping, tapi itu pun bisa melihat ke2nya..

Jadi langsung diam duduk manis disana deh saya tidak bergerak,hahahahhaha.. Yang bisa dilihat dari ujung ke ujuang hanyalah manusia.. They are everywhere! Ramainya seperti apa juga sudah tidak bisa dideskripsikan.. Yang datang melihat kembang apinya jauh melebihi yang sudah diperkirakan.. It's like all Sydney's citizens gathered to see its fireworks..

Kembang api pertama, called as Family's fireworks, started at 9PM sebagai kembang api pembuka.. Meskipun hanya sebagai pembuka dan berlangsung hanya 5 menit, it was a blast! Semua orang sudah langsung berteriak dan mengambil ponsel/kamera untuk mengabadikan moment tersebut.. I was excited too and record it with my phone,heheheh.. Not gonna miss any moments of fireworks for sure..

Kembang api ke2 diluncurkan sekitar jam 10:30 PM I think.. Yang ini lebih sebentar dari yang pertama, tapi bukan berarti kalah bagusnya,hahahha.. Ada juga beberapa kapal dan cruise yang didesign dengan lampu-lampu menyala mengitari Circular Quay..

Finally, moment that I've been waiting for.. I spend 1 year waiting for this since my originally plan was actually watching it last year.. Unfortunately, I had food poisoning, so I couldn't go anywhere on New Year 2013. BUT GOD IS GOOD.. Maybe last year was not my time. This year, for the first time in a decade , the fireworks will come up from the 4 sides of Opera House and I was able to be there..

The counting starts (60,59,58....), all people raised up, all cameras, video recorders, mobile phones has been ready since this morning to capture this time.. 5,4,3,2,1, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014, THEN BOOM!

IT HAPPENED.

I saw it.. I witnessed the  fireworks that people always said, that people always talking about, claimed it as one of the best in the universe.. After 5 years staying in this city, at last I could really see it with my own eyes.. Those people didn't lie to me, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.. IT WAS EXTRAORDINARY.. IT WAS SPECTACULAR..

At that 12 minutes fireworks, while recording it, in my heart, I said this to God :
- Thank you.. Thank you for giving me this chance, I waited 1 year more only to watch this.. And I guess, You want me to wait 1 more year, because it will be more fantastic this year, right? You were right though,hahhaha.. It worth my waiting.. Thank you, Jesus.. Happy New Year 2014, be with me, always..

I recorded it, but for you, It will be better if you watch it from professional's video. Enjoy watching!

At the end of the day, I miss my family again.. I hope I can bring them here to spend new year at least once in few years ahead.. :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014 everyone.. I HOPE YOU HAD A BLAST, AS I AM.. :)

That's it for today.. It's 1:30AM now and I need to sleep.. I have typed topic for next post and hopefully I can publish it next week..

Good nitez everyone.. Sweet dream! :)

Regards, Cindy