Ok, enough for intro.. Let's starts!
Post ini adalah mengenai yang saya rasakan baru-baru ini.... But it’s all over now.. All is good,hahahhaha.. Just wanna share and I hope in some ways, it will bless you..
Pernahkah kalian dikecewakan luar biasa oleh orang yang kalian pikir paling mengerti diri anda? It happened to me around 2 weeks ago.. Perhaps, I considered it as one of my worst condition ever.. I was so angry.. Really angry until I couldn’t hear, even listened to any words she said.. I just couldn’t..
My emotion raised.. When I talked to her, the tone of my voice was just high and not nice at all.. When she replied me back with the same tone.. That’s it.. I AM DONE!!
Trully, I AM DONE at that time.. First time ever in my own history.. I isolated myself towards her.. I said to her don’t bother me in 1 week.. Just don’t.. Don’t even say a word about anything.. Leave me alone.. I told her I need my own time..
I couldn’t take it anymore.. Ini terjadi berkali-kali.. Melakukan kesalahan-meminta maaf-melakukan kesalahan-meminta maaf-melakukan kesalahan-meminta maaf, berputar terus seperti itu.. 1 hal yang membuat saya tidak bisa menghadapi ini lagi adalah karena penyebabnya selalu hal yang sama.. The same thing always happened and it drove me crazy..
Why saying ‘Sorry.. I understand. I’m not gonna do it again’ if you are still doing it again and again especially with the same cause? Not even 1x,2x,3x, but more than that. That sentence was echoing in my mind every second..
Mengejutkan bukan? Saya sendiri shock mengingat tentang kejadian ini.. IT WAS ME, BUT NOT ME.. IT WAS LIKE THE FEELING : I’M WITHIN, BUT WITHOUT..
I lose myself.. I did not even think I could act that way.. Hahhahahha.. Don’t make me angry ya makanya.. Upzieeee.. LOL :D
My heart has its weak points.. This heart is fragile in some ways..
Guess what I did after those things that I said? After those things that I did?
I cried.. The next day, I woke up and cried again.. These crying days were my days off (from work), luckily.. Then, in my bedroom, while still crying, I kneeled .. and PRAYED..
I prayed to The Lord.. I told Him my case.. Asking what should I do.. What needs to be done.. How to make her understand? Give me a clue... I was totally down..
Cukup lama saya berlutut dan berdoa, dalam hitungan jam kalau tidak salah.. That night, in the end of the day, I found 1 thing so amazing though =
* That afternoon, when I almost finished outpouring my heart, I wiped my tears, smiled and closing my prayers with this sentence :
“ BUT I AM GRATEFUL.. I AM STILL GRATEFUL.. SINCE WHATEVER IT IS, FOR ME, GOD IS GOOD.. GOD IS GOOD.. I JUST NEED TO BE STILL AND LISTEN.. BE STILL AND I’M GONNA SEE THE SALVATION FROM THE LORD.. BE STILL AND SEE THE WONDROUS WORKS OF GOD“ (2 Chronicles 20 : 17A ; Job 37:14)
Few minutes later, this feeling came.. A feeling like I was in the similar situation before.. When I knelled down and crying so hard, asking what to do.. I realized I’ve been in this kind of situation years ago.. It was when I took a decision to follow Him, and many people abandoned and left me..
All the memories suddenly struct me.. I was alone at that time.. I had noone to lean on except Him.. This is the funny thing :
1. Years ago, A teenage me, knelled down in my bedroom while my mom slept, crying and said this words after my prayer ended : “I only had Him”..
2. Saya yang sekarang, pada waktu itu, sebelum menyadari bahwa situasi yang serupa pernah terjadi kepada saya dulu, tanpa saya sadari mengucapkan kalimat ini : “ I only have You Lord”..
3. Setelah menyadari bahwa saya ternyata mengucapkan hal yang sama, I giggled, smiling saying this : “ I guess, AFTER ALL THIS TIME, ONCE-NOW-AND LATER ON, I still only have You.. The one who’s always there.. Even without saying a word, able to understand me best.. The one who will never disappoint me”..
Short story, 1 person actually knew my situation.. And it’s just amazing how God can use him and his wisdom to make her understand.. I was completely speechless..
Teman-teman, kalian pun mungkin pernah dikecewakan oleh orang-orang terdekat.. It hurts, isn’t it? To build a stable relationship again toward the person who disappoint you, I believe it takes a long time, maybe forever.. Or worse, for some people they just can’t trust each other anymore..
However for me, it’s a SECOND matter whether you wanna try believe in that person or not.. Each person has their own choices. The FIRST thing that I considered more important is how I handle those disappointment situations within myself..
I was furious at that time, I lost my patience, I couldn’t even think straight.. That moment when I used high tone to speak is a moment when I know – I have lost control of myself.. Every individual is different in this, since it’s me, in situation like that, I need time to be alone.. To make everything within myself calm.. To make myself stable..
Yes I was hurt.. Yes I cried.. Yes I felt horrible toward myself.. Yes I was so angry to her.. BUT STILL : YES I AM GRATEFUL..
Oh friends, if only you saw me how I giggled, smiled and laughing to myself, you will think I was crazy.. In fact, I thought like that too! I must be crazy to laugh straight away after I cried, LOL..
People says “Happiness is a choice”. I agree.. 100% agree.. Here is 1 thing that I wanna add based on what I got from my disappointment situations :
- Happiness is a choice.. BUT JOY IS A GIFT..
- MY HEART WAS BROKEN.. I WAS SO SAD, YET AT THE SAME TIME TOO, PARTS OF MY HEART STILL FULL OF JOY.. THAT’S MAKE ME ABLE TO SMILE AND SAY THOSE PRAISING WORDS TOWARDS HIM : “SINCE WHATEVER IT IS, FOR ME GOD IS GOOD.. GOD IS GOOD”...
When I decided to follow Him, when I let Him came to my life years ago, IT WAS SIMPLY THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME..
* IT’S LIKE A PACKAGE.. HE GAVE A PACKAGE OF GIFTS.. I MAKE IT LIKE THIS :
- I WAS ONCE LOST.. THEN HE FOUND ME.. HE GAVE ME SUCH MERCY AND GRACE THAT ENABLED ME TO SEE TRUTH.. AND THE TRUTH SETS ME FREE.. THIS FREEDOM CREATES PEACE AND PURE JOY IN MY LIFE THAT THIS WORLD CAN’T OFFER.. I HAVE A LIFE THAT FULL OF HOPE NOW.. AND ALL OF THESE LEADS ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT TRUE SALVATION IS – CindyNio
- Ephesians 2:8 = For it is BY GRACE you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD..
How beautiful is that?
- I WAS ONCE HOPELESS.. DID NOT HAVE ANY PASSION TO LIVE.. EVEN I HAD EVERYTHING, YET I HAD NOTHING.. MY SOUL WAS JUST HOLLOW..
- THEN THAT DAY CAME, IN THE EVENING, AT MY CHURCH IN SURABAYA, WHEN I HAD MY 1ST ENCOUNTER WITH JESUS.. THAT WAS MY TURNING POINT.. HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO LIVE TO THE FULLEST USING THAT PACKAGE OF GIFTS.. HE GAVE ME WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE TO USE THOSE GIFTS WELL IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS..
- A GIFT OF MERCY AND GRACE
- A GIFT OF TRUTH
- A GIFT OF FREEDOM
- A GIFT OF PEACE
- A GIFT OF PURE JOY
- A GIFT OF HOPE
- AND TO CONCLUDE ALL : A GIFT OF SALVATION
Believers, I want you to know that YOU ARE SO BLESSED to have Him in your life.. What an honor! You have so many gifts already, including JOY.. It’s part of His package for you when you decided to let Him entering your life.. NEVER ever let the world steal it..
Let’s learn this together, would you? I learn as well.. I’m not perfect.. At that time, when I was able to be grateful in my disappointment situations, it did not mean I was okay with her.. No way! I still need to be away from her for a little while.. I knew there’s a possibility that my emotion could rise again..
"Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak” - Matthew 26:41
Like I mentioned before, relationship between you and the person who disappoint you is the 2nd thing to be worried about. Consider it as your 2nd step.. Focus in what’s inside you 1st so you can make a clear and right decision later on.
- In handling certain situations like disappointment for example, there is a time when it’s better to pull ourselves back, calm down, re-think, then speak or take a further action after we’re in a right state of mind instead of following our emotion and regret things later on.
THE FACT =
- NOT ALL PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND YOU.. PEOPLE WILL DISAPPOINT YOU = THIS IS THE UGLY TRUTH..
- BUT AT LEAST GOD DOES UNDERSTAND YOU.. GOD WILL NEVER FAILS YOU = IT IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH..
- John 8:32 = “and you shall know the truth, AND THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE."
+ It's been quite a long time since I updated my last picture.. So here it is : Say cheeseeeee.. Remember guys, BE HAPPY AND SMILE, YOU HAVE A GIFT OF JOY!!! :D GOD IS GOOD..
Ps : I chose to rekindle the relationship between me and her :) Thanks God for it.. She has millions good things beside that though.. Hihihihihi.. :D Have a nice Sunday everyone!